Well, we're back from vacation. It was a great time, but very exhausting, so blogging took more energy than either of us wanted.
We left on the 24th and visited Gramma and Grampa Idle for a couple nights in northern Ohio. We always have a blast with them and it was a great way to kick off our vacation. From there, we made a short drive to Detroit. We met up with Aunt Joni and her friend for a Tigers game. Also, wonderful to spend time with her. After the game, we attempted to see some of the city, but a bit of a preview was enough. We both agreed it wasn't our favorite city by far. The next day we drove a few more hours to Toronto. There we saw the Yankees play the Blue Jays and we both got a hi and wave from Mariano Rivera. We were both giddy! We took a ride to the top of the CN Tower, went through the NHL Hockey Hall of Fame, Kensington Market, Chinatown, and some fun shopping and dining. Next we went to Niagara Falls. It was much more laid back and we had a great time together. Toward the end of the trip we did lots of driving. We stopped in Buffalo, NY for buffalo wings, of course. Then to Pittsburgh for a Pirates vs. Cardinals game. Then on to eastern Kentucky for a Johnson family reunion. A night at my parents' house and then back home.
We both love exploring and making new experiences together. I love just having all that time just with my husband without all the day-to-day distractions.It was my hope that we would be able to take the time away and make a decision about our next step of fertility options. That really didn't happen, but what did happen was that we were away from some of the reminders about our issues. We didn't go to the doctor, we didn't have to answer questions about it, and we didn't feel different. We just enjoyed each other.
There was a moment on our trip when we were got onto the elevator back to our hotel room and a couple with a baby got on with us. I didn't even look at the baby, but I could tell they were trying to show it off and I just ignored them and stared into my husband's eyes. At that moment, I felt so lucky to have him and so much love for him that a negative thought or a sad feeling had no way of ruining that moment for me.
The past week has been a bit tough emotionally I have to admit. I wish I didn't have certain feelings and awkwardnesses (is that a word?) in every day life. I just hate when people just talk about things related to kids or being parents and don't realize how it would sound to someone like me. I wish I could brush them off and it not offend me, but it does.
We do have some amazingly supportive people in our lives...but also some not so supportive people as well. I do feel sorry for both groups. The first group I know it must be hard to know what to say and how to say it. To be honest, you really can't win. If you ask me about our infertility, chances are I could start crying or get bummed. But then if you don't ask me about it, I wonder if you just don't care. It really is something that's always on my mind. I don't think an hour of the day goes by that I'm not thinking about it. So the safer bet is to ask us about it, and be ready to grab a tissue or say something funny to change the topic.
As for the second group, I feel sorry for you because you can always learn from people in different experiences. I'm sure you'd want support if you were facing something difficult. And you really don't realize all the people out that going through this. It's definitely something that most people don't feel comfortable sharing. I learned today of a couple more people around me that had been dealing with infertility for years and I never knew it.
God's given us something tough to deal with, but together with his help we're going to get through it and we're going to have a great testimony to share.
Here's a proverb that is inspiring me today and giving me hope for our next journey...
Let your eyes look straight ahead;
fix your gaze directly before you.
Give careful thought to the paths for your feet
and be steadfast in all your ways.
Proverbs 4:25-26
