I found a verse that goes along perfectly with my journey right now...
The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.
2 Peter 3:9
I'm really struggling with patience and wanting a baby in my timing. We have been trying for 18 months now and it feels like such a long time. It has been stressful and disappointing. After reading this I understand that what I consider a long time may not be a long time for God. I should never assume that He isn't keeping His promise. I just have to exercise patience. He has been so patient from me over the years and He had every right to be frustrated with me, but I know He is overjoyed that I made a commitment to Him no matter when it was.
Mike and I have had some frustrating days lately. Our home improvement projects aren't quite going the way we wanted and then in the middle of it, our refrigerator and garage door opener decide to break and we had to get them replaced. So our bathroom remodeling is going to have to pause for the moment. So frustrating, but at least these are things we can get through.
I'm so blessed I have such a great partner to share life with. He amazes me every day, although there may be days I'd like to strangle him. But then I'd eventually stop because he's so stinking cute.
He went to an IU game yesterday and he told me about an older man he saw wondering around looking confused around the concession area. Mike sensed he knew the issue. So he went up to him and asked for his ticket and helped him back to his seat with his wife. This man had Alzheimer's. I know it upset Mike and it upsets me too. I hate to know what that man and his wife have to endure and I hate that anyone else has to go through it.
I know there's a way for us to get a baby whether we get our own or adopt. But there is no cure or no stopping Alzheimer's. Both of these issues are my life now and I'll pray for patience and God's timing in a happy ending.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Relating to a Celebrity
I had recently seen that Hugh Jackman and his wife are in the infertility world. And just a few minutes ago, I also read that his dad has Alzheimer's. Besides being a chick, having smaller muscles and being slightly less famous, he and I have tons in common. I got weirdly excited about this. I wanted to be able to call him up and talk to him and share our struggles together. I watched an interview and read a couple articles about him and I wanted to point out some meaningful quotes from him.
On his dad, http://www.parade.com/celebrity/celebrity-parade/2012/12/wishing-hugh-a-merry-christmas.html
My dad is fairly well into Alzheimer’s now. His short-term memory is pretty much gone. He still recognizes me and can talk about the past, and weirdly, he’s as happy as I’ve ever known him, which is wonderful.
On infertility, http://www.newsday.com/entertainment/celebrities/hugh-jackman-opens-up-about-infertility-struggle-1.4350126
http://www.katiecouric.com/features/hugh-jackman-on-fatherhood-and-fertility-challenges/
"Until you go through it," Jackman told Katie Couric on her syndicated talk show, "you realize [infertility is] not talked about a lot. And, by the way, to be clear, Deb and I always wanted to adopt, so that was always in our plan. We didn't know where in the process that would happen but biologically, obviously, we tried and it was not happening for us. And it is a difficult time."
I know that celebrities shouldn't be role models just because they are put in very public positons; however, I'm very inspired by Mr. Hugh Jackman. (Especially after seeing his great performance in Les Miserables over the weekend). Sometimes we see celebrities as having it all and being perfect, so it's nice to have one to relate to and know that we're going through the same life struggles.
I'm very happy that Hugh and his wife have been able to adopt two children and my prayers go out to his dad that he talks so fondly about.
On his dad, http://www.parade.com/celebrity/celebrity-parade/2012/12/wishing-hugh-a-merry-christmas.html
My dad is fairly well into Alzheimer’s now. His short-term memory is pretty much gone. He still recognizes me and can talk about the past, and weirdly, he’s as happy as I’ve ever known him, which is wonderful.
On infertility, http://www.newsday.com/entertainment/celebrities/hugh-jackman-opens-up-about-infertility-struggle-1.4350126
http://www.katiecouric.com/features/hugh-jackman-on-fatherhood-and-fertility-challenges/
"Until you go through it," Jackman told Katie Couric on her syndicated talk show, "you realize [infertility is] not talked about a lot. And, by the way, to be clear, Deb and I always wanted to adopt, so that was always in our plan. We didn't know where in the process that would happen but biologically, obviously, we tried and it was not happening for us. And it is a difficult time."
I know that celebrities shouldn't be role models just because they are put in very public positons; however, I'm very inspired by Mr. Hugh Jackman. (Especially after seeing his great performance in Les Miserables over the weekend). Sometimes we see celebrities as having it all and being perfect, so it's nice to have one to relate to and know that we're going through the same life struggles.
I'm very happy that Hugh and his wife have been able to adopt two children and my prayers go out to his dad that he talks so fondly about.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
New Year, New Drugs
Here we go again...back to our fertility specialist yesterday. I almost wanted to hug her because it had been a few months since I've seen her. I know she sees tons of patients all for the same thing, but regardless, she is a big part of our lives right now. She wants to try a different treatment this time. Last time we did the clomid/dexamethasone combination and it thinned my uterus lining too much, so we are trying 4 doses of letrozole daily. It's suppose to work better on the lining and per usual, I'll be wearing an estrogen patch to keep the lining thick.
I know this is a lot of technical talk for some of our readers and it shouldn't mean a lot to you, but I just feel weird right now. I knew how the drug combo of the past worked and I'm just worried that this drug won't work and we'll have to try something else. It seems like all we've been doing is experimenting with drugs and trying new things. I just want some consistency. But I guess we've got to mix things up because nothing has worked so far. Bottom line: I just want to be pregnant. I am willing to do whatever it takes, but it is definitely getting exhausting.
I realize I shouldn't complain. The pills my husband has been taking are extremely dreadful. I hate to even be in the room when he takes them because they smell so bad. I can't imagine what he goes through every morning and night having to down them. I could never doubt his desire for baby or his dedication for our fertility.
When we were at the doctor yesterday, there were several people in the waiting room. There was a couple ladies talking to a very attractive guy that Mike called Armani. From his designer suit and shoes, you could tell the cost of infertility weren't a big deal to him. When his wife comes from the doctor office, he's there to escort her out. We could hear the two ladies talking about him and how nice it was that he brings his wife to the doctor. I was actually shocked that he was in the waiting room. My husband is by my side throughout the entire appointment. He goes back with me to the exam room and then to the doctor's office to discuss our plan. This is a team effort and we're in this together. I don't need a ride to the doctor, I need a partner that wants this as much as I do. And I definitely have that.
I understand that work and other obligations may prevent husbands to make all the appointments and I'm by no means knocking that. However, if a husband is going to be there at the office, go back with your wife and be there with her. There has only been one appointment that Mike couldn't make with me. He was busy at work and it was in the middle of the day. I told him not to worry about it because I had to be there awhile. I had to go to the lab and get blood work done and then visit with the doctor. It was totally fine and I know I could do some of the visits on my own, but it's so wonderful to have a husband so dedicated to being there with me. There are times that the appointments don't go well and I walk out super bummed. If I didn't have Mike there, I'm sure I'd be a sobbing mess.
I hope I never take him for granted. I thank God for him every day. It's a new year and although I feel a little anxious, I'm trying my best to remain hopeful for new beginnings. Next week will mark 3 years since our official first date. My life quickly changed after January 10, 2010 and it's been an amazing journey. I know God has big plans for our future and I can't wait to see what they are...
I know this is a lot of technical talk for some of our readers and it shouldn't mean a lot to you, but I just feel weird right now. I knew how the drug combo of the past worked and I'm just worried that this drug won't work and we'll have to try something else. It seems like all we've been doing is experimenting with drugs and trying new things. I just want some consistency. But I guess we've got to mix things up because nothing has worked so far. Bottom line: I just want to be pregnant. I am willing to do whatever it takes, but it is definitely getting exhausting.
I realize I shouldn't complain. The pills my husband has been taking are extremely dreadful. I hate to even be in the room when he takes them because they smell so bad. I can't imagine what he goes through every morning and night having to down them. I could never doubt his desire for baby or his dedication for our fertility.
When we were at the doctor yesterday, there were several people in the waiting room. There was a couple ladies talking to a very attractive guy that Mike called Armani. From his designer suit and shoes, you could tell the cost of infertility weren't a big deal to him. When his wife comes from the doctor office, he's there to escort her out. We could hear the two ladies talking about him and how nice it was that he brings his wife to the doctor. I was actually shocked that he was in the waiting room. My husband is by my side throughout the entire appointment. He goes back with me to the exam room and then to the doctor's office to discuss our plan. This is a team effort and we're in this together. I don't need a ride to the doctor, I need a partner that wants this as much as I do. And I definitely have that.
I understand that work and other obligations may prevent husbands to make all the appointments and I'm by no means knocking that. However, if a husband is going to be there at the office, go back with your wife and be there with her. There has only been one appointment that Mike couldn't make with me. He was busy at work and it was in the middle of the day. I told him not to worry about it because I had to be there awhile. I had to go to the lab and get blood work done and then visit with the doctor. It was totally fine and I know I could do some of the visits on my own, but it's so wonderful to have a husband so dedicated to being there with me. There are times that the appointments don't go well and I walk out super bummed. If I didn't have Mike there, I'm sure I'd be a sobbing mess.
I hope I never take him for granted. I thank God for him every day. It's a new year and although I feel a little anxious, I'm trying my best to remain hopeful for new beginnings. Next week will mark 3 years since our official first date. My life quickly changed after January 10, 2010 and it's been an amazing journey. I know God has big plans for our future and I can't wait to see what they are...
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