Hello, friends. Sorry we've been a little MIA on blogging. I know a lot of you have asked me about what's going on and how the sixth IUI turned out. Well, no big surprise to us, it failed. There are no words to discribe our devastation. Not that we had tons of hope that it would work, but we knew that we didn't want to do another IUI again. Although the procedure, drugs, and doctor visits have been time consuming and expensive, it was always an easy decision on how to move forward. Now that's not the case.
It's been two weeks since we got the negative test and we still haven't come to a firm decision on our next plan of attack. We are debating between IVF and adoption. And when we come to a decision, we have to figure out timing.
If we do IVF, it's about a 2-month process that we both have to be completely committed to. There are lots of do's and don'ts, doctor visits, injections, days of bed rest, and prayers. If we decide to stop any fertility treatment, then we need to get started asap on adoption. We had an IVF meeting with our doctor a couple months ago. She partners with a Lexington doctor, who has the highest success rate for IVF around in my age group, which is 42%. When looking at all the numbers, we were excited that he had the highest percentage, but then again 42% isn't that encouraging. I want more of a guarantee. I need a higher statistic to give me hope that it would work.
Honestly, the hope of having a biological child is diminishing tremendously. I'm pretty sure that having a biological baby is stronger for me than Mike. Every time I look at him, I think of how adorable his baby pictures are and how much I want a little one just like him. I want the experience of being pregnant too. I know that with having PCOS, my ability to lose baby weight will be extremely difficult, but I don't care. I can buy bigger clothes, but it's not as easy to grow a baby in my uterus.
Before the pregnancy test, I was pretty sure I wanted to do IVF if it was negative. But after we got that negative, I spent the next couple days thinking I was over trying and maybe adoptiong a baby in need of parents was the way to go. But then I started thinking of this picture...
and I'm not sure if I'm ready to throw in the towel on a biological baby just yet. Plus I was quite a cute baby too, I have to admit.
Adoption could likely be something we have to do down the road, either for baby #1 or baby #2, but I just don't know yet.
We each made a pros and cons list for IVF and adoption thinking that would give us the answer, but it hasn't yet. So we're taking a much needed vacation. We both stay so busy and rarely get 2 nights in a row where we're together, so now we'll have over a week together. I'm hopeful that God will speak to our hearts on what we need to do.
We'll share details throughout our trip on social media, and our blog when we get back. Hopefully we can share where our infertility journey is taking us next.....
We celebrated Jeter's birthday last weekend. I did invitations, make a dog friendly cake, bought presents, and made bone shaped cookies. I was all about celebrating my favorite four-legged friend.
Honestly, I was very hesitant to get a dog and I was hoping that Mike would just forget about it. However, he was very persistent and I finally had to give in. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I've had several dogs growing up, but none that I bonded with quite like Jeter.
No doubt he's stinking adorable, but he has the best personality. He is super smart and luckily potty training was easy. He's also got some sassiness, but he's very friendly and lovable. If I'm ever having a bad day, it's impossible not to cheer up when I come home and he runs up to me so excited to see me.
I know it's a little silly how I treat Jeter like our kid and having a birthday party for him, but it has been a lot of fun. I do feel guilty about how much I obsess about him and how he has to overcompinsate for us not having a baby. Poor dog. I'm sure there are times he just wants to chew on a bone or play fetch, but I just want to cuddle him and treat him like my baby.
Some day, Jeter, I hope to make you a big brother. Hope you had a great birthday! I love you bunches!
Wow! What a fun weekend we just had. We didn't get much time to ourselves or just to relax, but it was great. We got to spend time with our church small group, Mike's family, and my favorite ex-co-workers. The weekend was to celebrate a friend's birthday. It was the one we've mentioned in our blog before, who lost her husband to pancreatic cancer last March and is raising 3 of the most adorable little girls ever.
Last year we celebrated this weekend with our group of friends who all came in to be together, so it worked out that we could all get together again this year. I hate that we don't get to see each other more often or for more time, but it was defintely special time.
After everyone left on Saturday afternoon, Mike and I made plans to come over to her house that night. Mike was going to mow her lawn and we were bringing take out for dinner. I had a fun time chatting and playing with the girls. After bath time, we were playing in the youngest one's room. This has to be the cutest, spunkiest, and sassiest little 3-year old girl I've ever seen. You can't help but love her instantly. Mike and I both loved getting some quality time with her that day as well as her two big sisters. While we were playing, Mike comes in the house and sits by the door to her room. This cutie pie yells out, "Daddy," and runs into his arms and says, "This is my daddy! This is my daddy!"
Mike and I were both speechless. I think mainly because we both were fighting not to cry. Her mom and one of her big sisters were in the room. Being a great mom, she knew what to say and asked her where her daddy was and she and her sister said he was in Heaven. She was only a year and a half when he passed away.
As Mike and I drove home, he brought it up and I broke down. When I looked up, we were driving by the cementary where their daddy was laid to rest. I can't describe how much it breaks my heart that he is no longer with us and he can't be there for his wife and girls. But then I keep having to think of the legacy he left and what amazing things he did in his short 34 year old life.
I thought about the incident several times in the past couple days and Mike and I talked about it again last night. He realized it was an ironic situation. That little girl wants to be able to call someone Daddy, and Mike wants some little girl to call him Daddy.
God makes everything happen for a reason. And sometimes, we don't always understand. As Mike mentioned in a previous post, our church did a series on Life Verses. For years, the verse that always came to me was Romans 8:28. (NIV) It's gotten me through some really tough times.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, whohave been called according to his purpose. But after this series, I just don't think it fits me as my life verse anymore. I went on the search for a new one. I went back through our past blog entries reading verses that meant something to me that time and none seemed right. I've always loved Romans, so I skimmed the enitre book, but nothing seemed to fit. I also looked around in Hebrews, James, and Timothy.
For some reason, I was drawn over to Peter. Since we went to Rome back in the fall of 2011, I've felt a connection to Peter. We were in Vatican City in front of St. Peter's Basilica and Mike went to the restroom. The lines were very long, so I was sitting near a statue of Peter. I had a long time to talk to God and I gave Him thanks for great men like Peter and I was just in awe of what Peter did to share the Word. My new life verse is 1 Peter 1:21. (NLT)
Through Christ you have come to trust in God. And you have placed your faith and hope in God because he raised Christ from the dead and gave him great glory. Through the process of infertility trust has been tough for me. Well, to be honest, trust in general is hard for me. I've had to learn to have complete trust in God. This verse says so much about my relationship with God and where I am in my life.
I have hope that someday a little one will run into Mike's arms will be able to call him Daddy and I have hope that that adorable little girl will have a father figure in her life to call Daddy until she gets to meet her real Daddy in Heaven.
