She keeps growing!

Ella is almost 5 months. I can't believe it. It's so amazing watching her grow and change. I love her more and more every day. She is my world and I couldn't imagine being happier. 

Since my last update, we've gotten settled into a routine at daycare. I'm proud of how well she does there and I'm glad we can be apart and still have quality time every night. She does great at the nursery at church and I'm so excited to see her grow up in our church and through Kidville and middle/high school ministries.

She's had a couple freak out moments. The first one was on November 8 at her cousins' birthday party. I think all the noise and people just upset her and she was tired. She had a couple others, but usually being held tightly by her mommy will calm her down. I don't like that she gets upset, but it warms my heart to know that she has a bond with me and trusts me. 

We attempted having her sleep in the crib that weekend, but she didn't do well, so we decided to put it off until the next weekend. But then we heard about a special baby monitor that can detect when a baby stops breathing, so Mike wanted to wait to get that before she went back in the crib. Right before Thanksgiving though, we realized that she was getting too big for her Rock and Play. So we set up the Pack and Play in our room for her to sleep in that. She has to lay flat and that would be a good transition to the crib.

She's wearing all her 3-month clothes, but just the past week, the length is getting snug. Probably in the next month, we'll be working up to a bigger size. She still doesn't have her teeth, but the drool is still very present. And her neck and back are getting so strong. She loves sitting up and holding up her head. It's so hard to believe this is the same baby from a couple months ago!

Her 4-month check-up on 11/21 went well. She's growing as she should, weighing 13lbs and 3 oz. She's still low in percentiles for height and weight, but in the 67 percentile for her head. Naturally she wasn't pleased with the shots and ended up with a high fever the next day. We called the doctor, but were told just to give her tylenol. A couple days later she came down with a cold and it just broke my heart to her her struggling with a cough and stopped up nose.

The doctor explained that it wasn't necessary for her to start on foods yet. She would be getting her nutrition from her milk only. She said the food thing was more about the parents just wanting to. So we decided to wait. We thought maybe at 5 months we would start on rice cereal and then decide on other food when we go back to the doctor at 6 months.

For the past few weeks, she's shared her laugh to us. It is the most wonderful sound on earth. It's so amazingly adorable and we get so excited to hear it. Unfortunately when we go to record it, she usually stops, but I know it will be coming more often soon. I just want to enjoy each moment as it happens. One night when Mike went to bed early, I stayed up with her and we had bath night. As I'm carrying her naked little body to the tub, I talk to her and she giggles with me. She actually gave herself hiccups with her laughing. It made my day. I can't think of a better way to end a day!

Ella had a great first Thanksgiving. It just made us think back to the previous year when we had just learned we were pregnant and how our lives started changing so much. Her day care was closed for the short Thanksgiving week. Her Grandma took care of her Monday, then I took off Tuesday to be with her, and our friend Jami had her on Wednesday. That week and leading to the holiday, we adjusted her feedings. We went up to 5 ounce bottles 6 times a day. We were nearly at 4 ounce bottles 7 times a day, but it wasn't working as well anymore.

We took another trip with Ella to Bryan, OH to visit her great grandparents. I feel so blessed to have them as grandparents and Ella is so lucky to have time to be spoiled by them. I just wish we could see them more often.

We got our Christmas tree up and we know it will be special for us this year to celebrate not only the birth of our Savior, but also the birth of our miracle baby. I know she won't understand it this year, but it makes it so special to have her with us this year. I look forward to the memories we will make!

Time for an Update

Today Ella is 3 months and 10 days. 

I'm realizing there is so much that happens with her on a daily basis and I need to keep track of it now or I'll never remember it later.

She's starting to hold her head up now and she loves to smile. Especially in the mornings. Once she has that first bottle (around 6am), she stays awake and loves to show her happiness. 

She started day care a couple weeks ago. Although her mommy is sad and misses her terrible, I know that we are in such a great place. The teacher is great and you can tell she loves the kids. She keeps them engaged and is perfect for us. Ella has 7 bottles a day (she has since about week 7) and they are about 3.5 to 4 ounces each. She has 3 of those at day care, which makes me feel better to know that I get to do the majority of the feedings. As the days of my maternity leave were ending, I got sadder and sadder, but knew it would be the best for all of us. The day before she started day care we were at church and our minister put up a great verse (I'm drawing a blank on what it was - See that's why I need to update more often!). Basically what the verse told me was that Ella won't have her mommy to watch over her all day, but her Heavenly Father will always keep an eye on her and he is her Great Protector. I found a lot of comfort in thinking of that.

We are about done with a big box of size 1 diapers and instead of buying more, we decided to go to 2s when they are up. They may be a little big, but the 1s are getting snug. 

All of her newborn clothing no longer fit. Most people told me not to buy a lot of newborn clothing because she would outgrown them in a couple weeks, but for us it was more like a couple months. She fits comfortably in 3 months now. I'm realizing that the fall clothing for babies isn't as cute and is harder to come by. But I don't know how soon she'll be moving up to the next size, so I don't want to buy too much. 

She has been drooling a bit in the past week, which makes us wonder if she's starting the process of teething.

At about 2 weeks, she was rolling over to her side when she's not on a super flat surface. When she went to the doctor on her 2 month appointment, the doctor put her on her tummy to check how she's pulling up and she rolled all the way over to her back. The doctor tried again and she did the same thing. We tried it again at home and she did it, but doesn't seem as interested now.

She's still sleeping in her rock n play next to our bed. She's definitely getting long for it and we know it's time for the crib soon. We'll likely start testing it on the weekends, but it breaks my heart. I like having her close and I'll worry about her down the hall away from us.

We have been sleep training her and it's gone great. At bedtime, we just put her down and she falls asleep on her own. During the day isn't too bad, but she may need help with a pacifier or some cuddling. I absolutely love cuddling with her. It's the best. She loves when her head is resting on my arm and she's on her side facing me. We both tend to take naps that way. :)

She had her first Halloween experience on Saturday. Our church does Kidabalou and as a family we dressed up. Mike as Popeye, me as Olive Oyl, Ella as Swee' Pea, and Jeter as a can of spinach. 

We dedicated her at our church on Oct 18 (her 3-month birthday). It was a special day for us and we had family and friends join us in committing to guide her in her faith. I had been fighting allergies for a week and on that day, I completely lost my voice. I didn't feel great, but the day was about her and I had to pull through. 

Ella means the world to us and I never want to go back to life without her. Yes, things are harder now and we live on her schedule and her demands, but I wouldn't trade it at all. I get excited thinking about all the different stages and changes she will go through and I love seeing each moment of her growth. 

She's Here!!

What a crazy couple weeks it has been! 

To back up in time a bit, it continued to be a not so fun pregnancy, but with every week closer to the due date, the more excited we became. As long as I could make out the movements of the baby inside of me, I could tell that she was breech. This was something the doctors monitored, but there's was always a chance she'd flip. Once we got to 34 weeks though, the chances were slim. At our 36 week appointment, we talked with our doctor about doing a cesarean section at 39 weeks, which would be July 31. Unfortunately though, she was on vacation, and we'd have to do it with the doctor on call; otherwise wait until August 4 when our doctor was back in town. We decided to take a week to decide and schedule our next appointment with the doctor for the 31st. I felt very connected with our doctor and really wanted her to be there, but a few days longer of being pregnant and waiting on our precious baby wasn't thrilling. So we went in on July 18, my 37 week (and one day) appointment with the on-call doctor for the 31st. We had met her briefly before and after a chat decided we wanted to book the 31st. So we scheduled a c section at noon for July 31. Later day I started making plans with family and my maternity leave from work.

I noticed that afternoon our little Peanut was a bit more active in the womb. I was guessing she was excited about making her appearance in less than 2 weeks away. Boy was I wrong!

At the end of the work day, I headed to the bathroom to empty my bladder before the car ride home. In the bathroom, I noticed I couldn't stop peeing. It was so weird. Until I realized something wasn't normal. It really wouldn't stop!!...was this my water breaking?? Was something wrong with the baby? I gave up on trying to make it stop and just pulled up my pants and took off. I hurried to my office and grabbed my stuff and called for a co-worker to come to my office. I told her what was going on and asked her to walk me to my car. I immediately called Mike without trying to panic. He was at work and would call the doctor and meet me at home. I also called my mom to tell her that I could be in labor.

Once I got home, I just started gathering all of our stuff for our 'overnight bag' that was in our guest room. There were last minute items that needed to be added. In the midst of getting everything together, I had to stop for more bathroom breaks to let more water gush out. Besides just being freaked out, I didn't have any other symptoms. I just wanted my husband there. Not easy to do during rush hour on a Friday night!

I got all the bags in the car and sat down for a minute before he arrived. He changed super quick and we took off to the hospital. As we're driving, I start to feel contractions begin and I'm thinking this really could be it. 

When we get there, I just tell him to park that I felt ok to walk to where we needed to go. The staff was great. They were very nice and calming and it didn't take long to confirm that I was in labor and that our planned c section was happening very soon, not in a couple weeks!

I felt extremely nervous, but I just focused on the task at hand. I've been to the doctor a lot over the years and I just wanted to think of one step at a time and let the medical professionals do their jobs. We were maybe in the triage room an hour before they were wheeling me to the operating room. I couldn't believe how quickly it was all happening, but I just wanted to get it over with.

Once we got there, the CRNA and nurse told Mike to stay outside the room for about 10 minutes while they gave me the spinal and got me prepped. As the spinal began, it did hurt a lot, but only for about 5 seconds. That was really the only pain I felt in the OR. More and more people started coming in...all had a different role in making this a successful surgery. Once Mike was in the room and the doctor, it quickly got down to business and it felt like only minutes before they were telling my baby was out and then I heard the most wonderful sound in my entire life.

It was the cry of the most blessed baby in the world. We immediately began to cry and thinking back on it now, I'll forever cherish that moment and will never forget how that sound touched my heart so deeply.

Throughout my single life, our infertility, and even the pregnancy, I never fully let my heart believe that I would have a baby because I was worried something would go wrong or it was all a dream. In that one moment, my dreams came true in the most amazing way. I praise God for giving me this wonderful gift and I'll cherish her always because God trusted me to be her mommy.

Every minute past then felt so surreal. They got the baby cleaned up and checked out with her daddy by her side while the doctors stitched me up. We were whisked away to a recovery room for about an hour where our family of 3 got a few minutes together and then we brought in my mom and sister, Mike's parents, and Mike's brother and sister-in-law. From there we went to our postpartum room where we would be imprisoned staying for the next 3 nights. It was definitely not the most enjoyable days although all the meds they had me on gave me little memory of every detail. I do know that we were very blessed by all the friends and family that were there visiting or calling/texting their congratulations to us.

I did get to see what an amazing daddy our Little Peanut has. Being so out of it, I just didn't feel like I got to be her mommy, but Mike was all the parent she needed. He was there by her side and watching over her every minute. He really is the rock that will always hold our family together and I don't know what I would have done without him by my side during this event or anything ever again. I love him so much and as much as God blessed me with an adorable baby, he went above and beyond on giving me the best husband and soul mate I could ever imagine. Ella Grace is so lucky to have him for her dad and by her second day on Earth, I can tell she will be a daddy's girl.

I also want to share how we decided on the name Ella Grace. Honestly, it was a name I have wanted for years and lucky Mike liked it too. My dad's mom Ella Pearl Johnson passed away from pancreatic cancer before I was born. She didn't even get to meet my mom before this disease took her. My dad was the youngest of eight and it was known that he was a mommy's boy being the baby of the family. From pictures and stories, I always wondered what it would be like to have her as a grandmother. I know I would have loved her and the moment I get to Heaven, I want to meet her. Plus it helps that it's such a beautiful name and it warms my heart every time I hear it.

The past couple weeks seem so incredibly wonderful. So far Ella has been an easy baby. Yes, she gets us up at night and keeps us on our toes, but we wouldn't want it any other way. I'm so glad that we trusted God, because he gave us the most wonderful miracle baby! Love her, love her, LOVE HER!!

Prayers for My Daughter

As the days get closer to our due date, I get more and more excited about meeting this little baby girl. It becomes more real, and the fear that it was all a dream is starting to fade.

I pray for our little Peanut every day and I have so many hopes and dreams for her already. Throughout our infertility, I leaned on Hannah from 1 Samuel so much. She was my strength and inspiration. I also prayed like Hannah did throughout our struggles. I prayed for God to give me a baby that I would vow to give back to the Lord. I still want to keep that promise. This baby girl will be ours to look after, encourage, and teach her about God's magnificent grace. However, I want her life and legacy to be to honor God. 

I know I will be obsessed with this little miracle, but I know that she is only mine on Earth and she has to live her life for God. I want so many great things for her. I want her to make tons of friends, go off to a great college, have an amazing career, and achieve everything she wants in life. I don't want her to be afraid to try anything or to spread her wings wherever she is called to go. 

Honestly, I don't want her to stay in Louisville. There is so much the world has to offer and I want her to really experience it, unlike I was able to do. I so wish now I had lived in NYC after college or lived abroad. I don't expect her to stay close to us because she needs to go where God intends her to go.

I also pray that she meets and marries a man who's as wonderful as her dad, but not until her 30's! Career first, boys can come later!! When I found out we were having a girl, I instantly worried that she would inherit PCOS from me. I pray so hard that she doesn't struggle with infertility or anything health related. 

I don't expect her life to be easy and perfect. I want her to have struggles and learn what hard work is all about. I want to give her everything her heart desires, but I know that's not what's best for her. I want her to learn independence and success. I want to teach her that she can do anything as long as she works hard and commits to it, but more than anything that she relies on God for guidance.

There is so much I want for her (including her becoming a big sister some day), that this blog post could go on forever. More than anything, I want her to know that we'll always be proud of her and we'll commit to teaching her all the amazing things her Heavenly Father has already done for her.


In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the Lord, weeping bitterly. And she made a vow, saying, “Lord Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.”

1 Samuel 1: 10-11

How Much Longer?

We are currently in week 29 of our pregnancy. Although everything has gone great, I'm constantly worried when she doesn't move enough in a day and I worry if I'm getting all the right vitamins and nutrition for her. On top of it, I don't love all the crazy things happening to my body and how I'm learning new limitations now. 

What I do love about being pregnant though is all the love I've gotten from friends and family (and even strangers). It seems so many love a preggo. Our journey to get to this wasn't easy and it seems so long ago when we did our IVF. We are in a different journey now and I couldn't feel more blessed. I just feel like time is dragging by...every morning that I wake up, I think what day it is and how much longer until the due date. It still seems far away.

Now that we are in the third trimester and the weeks are going by, it still seems so far away and not even in my reality yet. I just can't wait to have this baby in my arms for the first time and see the glow on my husband's face. I can't imagine a moment more precious than that.

I've now had 2 baby showers and they are so much fun. I love all this baby stuff. There was a time that I couldn't walk by the baby section in Target without tears of pain in my heart, but now I can't go in without checking to see if there's something new or fabulous that our daughter has to have.

My first shower in April was given by my infertility support group. It meant so much to me that these ladies were supporting me. I didn't expect them to even attend my shower much less host one for me. It was soooo much fun. The cute stuff for our Little Peanut and all the fun food and conversation got me so excited.

My second shower was last weekend hosted by my closest long-term friends. It was hosted by my UK girls and 2 great friends that were also bridesmaids. Most of them were from out of town and we made a weekend out of it. I love getting to spend time with all of them and I felt so incredibly loved. The shower was so amazing. I've been to a lot of baby showers, but this one had to be one of the nicest I've seen. They went over the top to make sure it was special and I can't thank them enough. I'm certainly blessed to have these 5 ladies in my life. Well, actually to have all the ladies that were at the shower in my life. I wouldn't be pregnant and this blessed without their prayers.

Blessed

I know we've been terrible about keeping up with our blog. Although our infertility journey is on pause, there's still a lot going on in our lives. We are beyond excited about becoming parents and how it will change our lives. I know infertility is still part of our reality and we hope to have a sibling in a couple years for our little Peanut, so I'm already praying that God will bless us with another pregnancy after this. It definitely seems crazy to think that far in the future, but growing our family won't be over after August.

I am definitely not one of those women that love pregnancy. It has not been fun and even quite stressful. I don't love how my body is so different. I've gone to the gym some, but my workouts are much different and I get disappointed that I'm not in the best shape anymore. As my belly keeps growing, I get excited for the arrival of our baby, but I miss the ease of bending over. Regardless, I love the gift of life that God has give me responsibility of and I will never seriously complain about pregnancy. I wanted this so much and I still know so many that would dream of what I'm going through.

I think the years of infertility have probably taken away some of the fun of what pregnancy is usually about for women. I worry a lot that something will happen. Everything so far has been great. I'm taking lots of vitamins and avoiding all of the 'don'ts' on the pregnancy food list. But it's hard to accept that things are going well. I pray for her every day that she is ok and is healthy. All of our ultrasounds and blood work show that she couldn't be more perfect.

Also, I'm still in contact with my other infertile friends and I just wish I could share this journey with them. I just found our last night that one of them had an unsuccessful attempt with a very rough IVF cycle. It just broke my heart and I prayed so hard that they would be getting a positive test.

Much of my prayers had been to make my parents experience being grandparents. With my dad's disease, I don't think he quite understands yet what is about to happen, but my mom is so thrilled. Just like my wedding, I sometimes think she is just as excited if not more. No doubt she will make an amazing grandmother and I'm so glad to give her something positive in her life.

Without a doubt, I know what a miracle this Peanut is for us. God has really blessed us. I can't express how amazing the attention and love that has been given to us feels!

Waiting.......

Obviously our last post shared our good news, but I wanted to go back and share what we went through to get our good news. Our egg retrieval was on Thursday, November 14 and we would get to find out the results 2 weeks from then. That happened to fall on Thanksgiving day, so we were told to test the day prior. The staff knew the agony of waiting through a long holiday weekend. It was very stressful not knowing as always. The emotions of wondering what's going on and with trusting God. I felt more hopeful, but I had to relax and put complete trust in Him.

I'll never forget that Wednesday. I was a complete ball of nerves. We could do blood work at any lab or hospital in Louisville and they would fax the results to our doctor's office in Lexington. I went to the place I've gone most often at about 11:00 during my lunch break. I later wish it was sooner, because every minute that ticked by was stressful.

It was likely that I would be getting out of work early and I wanted to be at home with Mike when we got our results. Whether it was good or bad, I wanted him by my side. Since getting those results. Life was a whirlwind. Just a couple hours later we went to Mike's parents' house. We told them the news and then his siblings a few hours after that. On Thanksgiving day we traveled to my parents and told them and my sister. We text a couple friends and I called my best friend Naomi that weekend. Although we were getting the word out it just didn't feel real. My mind hadn't really caught up with what was going on in my body. It took some time to accept the good news and have a complete different outlook on our future. I know it sounds crazy, but we just weren't use to good news and our routine was just to have a big cry and figure out the next step. Well, God figured out the next step for us and He is blessing us with a child.

In the next few weeks, we told our small group at church and close friends and family. We wanted to have the opportunity to tell as many people in person as possible. Plus so many knew that we were going through IVF and would be wondering how it went. Every time we shared, it was just as emotional for me as the first time hearing the news. I felt so blessed in seeing people's reaction and knowing they felt as happy as we did.

I do have to admit that I was trying to keep myself a bit guarded. Well, honestly, a lot guarded. I know that miscarriage is likely and my age doesn't help that. I was committed to taking care of my body so much more carefully. I had already gone caffeine free the past 2 years, but I cut out anything that was slightly dangerous to pregnant women. If something happened, it wouldn't be my fault. I really didn't want to get too excited, because if something happened, it would be devastating. I guess I thought if I kept my emotions in check it would make it easier to deal with if something did happen.

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