I'm trying hard to keep posts coming...too many distractions to sit down and type out everything. Here's the next installment...
I woke up I believe to the nurse saying something to me. I realize that Mike's in the room, but then I fall back asleep. I wake up and talk to him a bit, but then back to sleep, and then awake and asleep. He tells me this goes on for over an hour. My doctor comes in to give us an update and we find out that they were able to get 14 eggs!! The nurse gives us directions for drugs to take. I wasn't feeling great, but it was mainly just feeling completely out of it. I finally am feeling up to getting dressed and Mike helps me do that. I need a break between each step. After a few minutes, I'm able to get up and we leave and head home.
I actually don't feel bad at all. We get home and I plant myself on the couch for the rest of the day. I only took one small nap, but just felt super tired. I didn't even need to take any more of the pain killers. Mike definitely took great care of me by making me dinner and hanging out with me.
We are also so thankful for all the messages, the flowers, the dinners, and the prayers from our loved ones.
By the next day I was feeling completely normal, but a bit bloated still. We would be getting daily calls from our embryologist. Our call that morning, she told us of the 14 eggs, there were 3 that just weren't very good. And off the remaining 11, they were able to fertilize all of them! This was great news! We would know the next day when we would need to come in for the transfer.
The next day we got the call that all embryos were still doing good and that we would do the transfer the following Tuesday. We were excited to have the weekend to relax (plus we had scored suite tickets to the Cincinnati Bengals game the next day).
I was definitely getting tired of all the drugs. We started another one that day. Some were once a day, some were twice, and one was 3 times a day. Plus some couldn't be taken with food and some did. It was all so confusing, but I think I got it all right.
I didn't know what our future held, but I was so thankful that all of this was possible. I know some religions have objections to IVF, but I was so thankful that it was going so smoothly, that we found a way to finance it, and that the success rates were higher than anything we've done before.
I then had the dilemma of being hopeful. I wanted to think that this would all work and we'd have a baby in 9 months, but yet, we're so use to getting bad news. And I know several women that have failed with IVF, so why should it work this one time for us?
I just kept praying and thanking God. I knew He had something big planned for us.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Surgery Time
Our last ultrasound/blood draw appointment was on Monday, November 11. The doctor liked the look of everything. He said everything looked good, but maybe too good. I was in risk of hyperstimulation, which could make me really sick. So he added a new drug for me to take for that. He knew we were close to being ready for the retrieval, but would see how the blood work results were.
Our call that afternoon said we would be ready for Thursday the 14th. We would need to be there at 10:15 and they gave me the long list of instructions. I couldn't eat anything after midnight the night prior, no lotions or perfumes, and what to bring with me. We were also told to do our trigger shot Tuesday night/Wednesday morning at 12:15am. And we could quit our other injectibles on Monday night.
We were both excited. Everything seemed to be going smoothly, but then nerves were setting in. We were getting close.
We knew we wouldn't be able to stay awake past midnight so I set an alarm on my phone. We both feel asleep on the couch and got up to take care of business. We really struggled with the shot. You have to mix two vials and then get the exact amount. It was taking us time and we were worried because this is a timed drug and there was a reason we had a specific time to take it. Luckily we got about 3/4 of the dosage we were to take and went to bed concerned. I was trying not to cry. I just don't want anything to go wrong that we can help.
I called the nurse the next morning and she said we were all good. What a relief! But that day before the surgery, I was so nervous. It's all I could think about. I kept thinking about all the papers we had to sign about how this could fail and even result in death. I wasn't worried about dying, but I just wanted everything to be ok. This was definitely a BIG deal and it was hard not to worry.
We had let our friends and family know what was going on and when and we knew we had lots of prayers. It really meant a lot to us and helped to calm us down.
I was able to get a good night's sleep, but still woke up earlier than I needed to. I watched some Seinfeld on the DVR to occupy my mind. It really was a mental game of trying to get myself to relax. I didn't want to be stressed to complicate anything.
Once we made the drive to Lexington, it didn't take too long to get things started. Supportive text messages started popping up from the amazing people in our lives. We went into the post-op room and I got into a hospital gown and the nurse had me take pain killers that should kick in by the time the surgery was over and then she started the IV. The doctor and anesthesiologist both came in to discuss what was going on.
A moment when we were alone, Mike asked if I wanted him to pray. I quickly said no. I just didn't want to start crying or get even more nervous. We've both been praying like crazy the past couple weeks, so I know God was with us.
The nurse came to get us. I went in to the surgery room and she directed Mike into the 'collection' room to do his part. As I got up on the table, there were tons of people in the room, but they were all friendly faces that I had meet before. The anesthesiologist quickly went to work and I would guess he had me out in about 60 seconds.
Zzzzz....
Our call that afternoon said we would be ready for Thursday the 14th. We would need to be there at 10:15 and they gave me the long list of instructions. I couldn't eat anything after midnight the night prior, no lotions or perfumes, and what to bring with me. We were also told to do our trigger shot Tuesday night/Wednesday morning at 12:15am. And we could quit our other injectibles on Monday night.
We were both excited. Everything seemed to be going smoothly, but then nerves were setting in. We were getting close.
We knew we wouldn't be able to stay awake past midnight so I set an alarm on my phone. We both feel asleep on the couch and got up to take care of business. We really struggled with the shot. You have to mix two vials and then get the exact amount. It was taking us time and we were worried because this is a timed drug and there was a reason we had a specific time to take it. Luckily we got about 3/4 of the dosage we were to take and went to bed concerned. I was trying not to cry. I just don't want anything to go wrong that we can help.
I called the nurse the next morning and she said we were all good. What a relief! But that day before the surgery, I was so nervous. It's all I could think about. I kept thinking about all the papers we had to sign about how this could fail and even result in death. I wasn't worried about dying, but I just wanted everything to be ok. This was definitely a BIG deal and it was hard not to worry.
We had let our friends and family know what was going on and when and we knew we had lots of prayers. It really meant a lot to us and helped to calm us down.
I was able to get a good night's sleep, but still woke up earlier than I needed to. I watched some Seinfeld on the DVR to occupy my mind. It really was a mental game of trying to get myself to relax. I didn't want to be stressed to complicate anything.
Once we made the drive to Lexington, it didn't take too long to get things started. Supportive text messages started popping up from the amazing people in our lives. We went into the post-op room and I got into a hospital gown and the nurse had me take pain killers that should kick in by the time the surgery was over and then she started the IV. The doctor and anesthesiologist both came in to discuss what was going on.
A moment when we were alone, Mike asked if I wanted him to pray. I quickly said no. I just didn't want to start crying or get even more nervous. We've both been praying like crazy the past couple weeks, so I know God was with us.
The nurse came to get us. I went in to the surgery room and she directed Mike into the 'collection' room to do his part. As I got up on the table, there were tons of people in the room, but they were all friendly faces that I had meet before. The anesthesiologist quickly went to work and I would guess he had me out in about 60 seconds.
Zzzzz....
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Human Pin Cushion
I know we're way behind on updating our IVF journey...it may take a few posts to fill everyone in....
I have to first say that I'm in awe of any couple that go through the IVF process. Wow! What is does to your body and emotions!
The first week of the injections weren't so bad. I pretty much continued with my same routine and even kept up with workouts, but just proceeding with caution. I was told that by day 5 of the injections that I shouldn't do any type of workout (or even movements) involving bouncing. The goal of the drugs are to stimulate the ovaries to produce lots of eggs, so I could feel some bloating and discomfort going on. By the first weekend, I walked slowly up and down the starts to avoid overstimulation which could even rupture the ovaries and cause me to lose one. I'm sure this is rare, but I didn't want to take any chances.
For the most part, I just was super tired and having a lot of abdominal pain. A couple major hot flashes popped up too. I was also trying to eat better and just do what I could to remain normal and not think about what was coming up.
For the first week, we had an ultra sound and blood work on Monday and then again on Friday. Everything was proceeding as expected and we were to go back the following Monday for the same drill. After each appointment, we'd get to call to let us know how the blood work came back and how or if we need to adjust our dosage of the shots.
I was so impressed with my husband, who took charge of all the drugs. He measured the dosages and had a system going with our mini-pharmacy. Our nightly routine just wasn't fun. We'd hang out and then he'd get the shots ready for me and then I'd have to make sure I was taking the right pills on top of it.
I know I just wasn't feeling myself and we were both stressed thinking about the upcoming egg retrieval.
Several months ago we had started talks of how our church needed a couples support group for infertility. We're both comfortable as leaders and sharing our story, so we met with a member of our church staff to talk about it. We both procrastinated on getting it started and finally in the fall, we realized that we needed to get going.
The first meeting was to be in November. We designated the 2nd Monday of the month. The first meeting fell during our IVF process. There were only two couples besides us that showed up, but it went really well. We all had different and interesting stories. Every infertile person I have met has the same goal in mind, growing their family, but the adventure it takes them to get to that point is always so different.
I know God called us to go through this journey for a reason. I'll never fully understand why, but I appreciate that He knew I could handle it enough to never lose faith in Him and never give up on my dreams.
I have to first say that I'm in awe of any couple that go through the IVF process. Wow! What is does to your body and emotions!
The first week of the injections weren't so bad. I pretty much continued with my same routine and even kept up with workouts, but just proceeding with caution. I was told that by day 5 of the injections that I shouldn't do any type of workout (or even movements) involving bouncing. The goal of the drugs are to stimulate the ovaries to produce lots of eggs, so I could feel some bloating and discomfort going on. By the first weekend, I walked slowly up and down the starts to avoid overstimulation which could even rupture the ovaries and cause me to lose one. I'm sure this is rare, but I didn't want to take any chances.
For the most part, I just was super tired and having a lot of abdominal pain. A couple major hot flashes popped up too. I was also trying to eat better and just do what I could to remain normal and not think about what was coming up.
For the first week, we had an ultra sound and blood work on Monday and then again on Friday. Everything was proceeding as expected and we were to go back the following Monday for the same drill. After each appointment, we'd get to call to let us know how the blood work came back and how or if we need to adjust our dosage of the shots.
I was so impressed with my husband, who took charge of all the drugs. He measured the dosages and had a system going with our mini-pharmacy. Our nightly routine just wasn't fun. We'd hang out and then he'd get the shots ready for me and then I'd have to make sure I was taking the right pills on top of it.
I know I just wasn't feeling myself and we were both stressed thinking about the upcoming egg retrieval.
Several months ago we had started talks of how our church needed a couples support group for infertility. We're both comfortable as leaders and sharing our story, so we met with a member of our church staff to talk about it. We both procrastinated on getting it started and finally in the fall, we realized that we needed to get going.
The first meeting was to be in November. We designated the 2nd Monday of the month. The first meeting fell during our IVF process. There were only two couples besides us that showed up, but it went really well. We all had different and interesting stories. Every infertile person I have met has the same goal in mind, growing their family, but the adventure it takes them to get to that point is always so different.
I know God called us to go through this journey for a reason. I'll never fully understand why, but I appreciate that He knew I could handle it enough to never lose faith in Him and never give up on my dreams.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
It's Go Time!
Well, it's November and life is going to get tough for us. The past couple weeks have been really amazing in my faith journey. I've felt such a connectedness to God and I feel like I can trust Him fully in whatever comes our way.
I've tried to watch my diet closer and take it easy. I don't want to stress at all. That could be the thing that hurts us more. But easier said than done.
I really feel like I've been on a balance beam the past couple weeks and I'm going strong, but then all of a sudden a gust of wind is trying to throw me off. I don't know how to deal with it and keep going. Now I'm having doubts if we need to do IVF. I know so many people know about it and are praying for us, but I feel like if I have doubts that it will work, then why put ourselves through the emotions and pain of the process. I'm so confused. But regardless, we know we have to move forward. We made the decision and we spent a buttload on drugs, so no turning back.
Last week we ordered the drugs. I have talked with the online pharmacy several times and it was scheduled to arrive on Wednesday. I was so stressed that day to know that they would be getting to us safely and on time. Yes, it was a lot of money that couldn't be refunded, but I felt like my baby was the package that Fedex was delivering. And in a lot of ways, the hope of a baby was. I had a freak out moment when they were telling me that it may be stuck in limbo and I couldn't get it until the following morning. Some of the drugs had to be refrigerated and I was worried they'd be ruined. I'm so blessed to have a husband that came to the rescue! We were able to track the package down that night and we got it home safely.
After a long talk with the husband and encouragement from my amazing support group, I feel a little more back to normal and ready to move forward. I need to realize I have a lot of people supporting me...more than I have infertility against me.
We did our first injection last night. I think we were both nervous. It's been a few months since we've had to do shots and this was a big fancy one. Mike did struggle a bit and cut me a little and bent the needle back. The medicine went in, which is all I care about. We'll have to do it twice tonight, so hopefully his jitters are gone. If not, we need more band-aids!
I did wake up in the middle of the night a couple times feeling really weird, but I was able to go back to sleep. And I did feel like someone blasted the heat into my office at work, but it wasn't a full-blown hot flash, because 10 minutes later I started freezing. Hopefully the side effects starting out won't be too bad. Fingers crossed, but I'm prepared for the reality.
I not supposed to be working out once it's time for the surgery, retrival, and transfer and the nurse said I likely won't feel like doing anything leading up to it either, so it gives me a lot of down time to try to destress and spend time with God.
I came across this Psalm that I've read several times, but it has a whole new meaning to me right now.
They will have no fear of bad news;
their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord.
Psalm 112:7
My prayer is that Mike and I can fully trust God and that our fear of what that dreaded pregnancy test may say will go away. We're just waiting to see the amazing plan God has in store for us and we will trust that it will come someday.
I've tried to watch my diet closer and take it easy. I don't want to stress at all. That could be the thing that hurts us more. But easier said than done.
I really feel like I've been on a balance beam the past couple weeks and I'm going strong, but then all of a sudden a gust of wind is trying to throw me off. I don't know how to deal with it and keep going. Now I'm having doubts if we need to do IVF. I know so many people know about it and are praying for us, but I feel like if I have doubts that it will work, then why put ourselves through the emotions and pain of the process. I'm so confused. But regardless, we know we have to move forward. We made the decision and we spent a buttload on drugs, so no turning back.
Last week we ordered the drugs. I have talked with the online pharmacy several times and it was scheduled to arrive on Wednesday. I was so stressed that day to know that they would be getting to us safely and on time. Yes, it was a lot of money that couldn't be refunded, but I felt like my baby was the package that Fedex was delivering. And in a lot of ways, the hope of a baby was. I had a freak out moment when they were telling me that it may be stuck in limbo and I couldn't get it until the following morning. Some of the drugs had to be refrigerated and I was worried they'd be ruined. I'm so blessed to have a husband that came to the rescue! We were able to track the package down that night and we got it home safely.
After a long talk with the husband and encouragement from my amazing support group, I feel a little more back to normal and ready to move forward. I need to realize I have a lot of people supporting me...more than I have infertility against me.
We did our first injection last night. I think we were both nervous. It's been a few months since we've had to do shots and this was a big fancy one. Mike did struggle a bit and cut me a little and bent the needle back. The medicine went in, which is all I care about. We'll have to do it twice tonight, so hopefully his jitters are gone. If not, we need more band-aids!
I did wake up in the middle of the night a couple times feeling really weird, but I was able to go back to sleep. And I did feel like someone blasted the heat into my office at work, but it wasn't a full-blown hot flash, because 10 minutes later I started freezing. Hopefully the side effects starting out won't be too bad. Fingers crossed, but I'm prepared for the reality.
I not supposed to be working out once it's time for the surgery, retrival, and transfer and the nurse said I likely won't feel like doing anything leading up to it either, so it gives me a lot of down time to try to destress and spend time with God.
I came across this Psalm that I've read several times, but it has a whole new meaning to me right now.
They will have no fear of bad news;
their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord.
Psalm 112:7
My prayer is that Mike and I can fully trust God and that our fear of what that dreaded pregnancy test may say will go away. We're just waiting to see the amazing plan God has in store for us and we will trust that it will come someday.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Many Thanks!
Mike and I can't thank our friends and family enough for the outpouring of love we've had over the past few days. Our attitudes feel a lot more positive right now. Yesterday, we had our first official appointment (we've had phone convos) with our new doctor in Lexington. He wanted me to do a SHG, which I was not excited about...especially since I've had one before and it was probably the most painful thing I've experienced. A friend of mine also had two done and thought it was more painful than childbirth. I'll have to take her word for it, but it gives me confidence I could handle childbirth one day.
I was super nervous. Not only was it a painful test, it was with a new doctor (that I know personally), and a new facility. The nurse was extremely nice. The test was done quicker than I expected and with much less pain than expected. Mike's hand only got squeezed twice. I was so relieved. This new doctor is amazing! Plus the ease of the test was good news going forward. He thought he might have to put me under just to get my uterus and cervix to line up better, but he has a much easier plan (which I'll leave out the gruesome details). And it won't delay us any more.
We then had a meeting with his nurse to go over the schedule for the IVF process as well as all the injectibles that Mike will get to give me. The month of November is going to be crazy for us. We'll definitely need prayers and patience. One of the daily shots is to stimulate the ovaries. I asked her if it was like clomid, and she said clomid on steroids! If anyone remembers past posts, clomid gave me hot flashes and serious mood swings...so you may want to stay clear. I'm sure Mike will need his friends especially...just don't offer him any alcohol or caffeine...two definite no-no's during this process. Also, stress is a no-no, so if you play him in fantasy football, please let him win.
We were both feeling good and excited when leaving the doctor's office. We expected that I'd have to be shipped right to the couch for a long day of recovery...but I was good to enjoy the day. As much as we want to get excited that everything in this will run smoothly, we know what we are up against. The costs financially, emotionally, and physically will be tough. As I mentioned, the drugs will have some major side effects, but they can also be dangerous to my system. We're going to take one step at a time and trust God fully.
I was super nervous. Not only was it a painful test, it was with a new doctor (that I know personally), and a new facility. The nurse was extremely nice. The test was done quicker than I expected and with much less pain than expected. Mike's hand only got squeezed twice. I was so relieved. This new doctor is amazing! Plus the ease of the test was good news going forward. He thought he might have to put me under just to get my uterus and cervix to line up better, but he has a much easier plan (which I'll leave out the gruesome details). And it won't delay us any more.
We then had a meeting with his nurse to go over the schedule for the IVF process as well as all the injectibles that Mike will get to give me. The month of November is going to be crazy for us. We'll definitely need prayers and patience. One of the daily shots is to stimulate the ovaries. I asked her if it was like clomid, and she said clomid on steroids! If anyone remembers past posts, clomid gave me hot flashes and serious mood swings...so you may want to stay clear. I'm sure Mike will need his friends especially...just don't offer him any alcohol or caffeine...two definite no-no's during this process. Also, stress is a no-no, so if you play him in fantasy football, please let him win.
We were both feeling good and excited when leaving the doctor's office. We expected that I'd have to be shipped right to the couch for a long day of recovery...but I was good to enjoy the day. As much as we want to get excited that everything in this will run smoothly, we know what we are up against. The costs financially, emotionally, and physically will be tough. As I mentioned, the drugs will have some major side effects, but they can also be dangerous to my system. We're going to take one step at a time and trust God fully.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Please Pray
It's been a busy few months at the Idle house, and I think we have preferred it that way for a reason. It has helped to distract us from the reality we are about to face. Since August we've been to Detroit, Toronto, Pittsburgh, Mt. Sterling, Las Vegas, and Lexington for trips. I've played in two different softball leagues and a few tournaments. We've allowed work, school, and our dog to keep us busy; but all of that is coming to an end now.
What we have to look forward to now are expensive medications, blood tests, painful ultrasounds, restrictive diets, and then a three day procedure that only has a 48% chance of being successful. What we need right now more than anything is prayer and encouragement. We have always kept this situation somewhat private, but we'll take all of the prayer we can get now. There are specific things we need people to pray for:
God's Will- We did not take this decision lightly. It has been several months since our last attempt at any sort of infertility treatment, and that is because we have spent the past few months talking, praying, and listening. I know we are making the right decision because of the change of mindset I experienced in this process. Going into it I thought there was no way that I wanted to undergo this procedure. God slowly changed my thinking and provided me with a reassuring calmness about this. I feel very confident it is going to work. On that note, the second thing you can pray for is......
Success- I don't know why it would be God's will for us to do this if it was not going to be successful, but all the faith and prayer and the world will not make those two weeks between the operation and the test any easier. We will be praying for a positive constantly, the stakes will be higher than they have ever been. Some of the worst days of my life have been hugging Veronica and trying anything to stop the tears when we get a negative pregnancy test. I don't want to even think about it this time around, yet I can't help it. I have to recite Matthew 6:34 at least 10 times a day in my head. We have faith that this is what God wants for us, please just pray for a smooth procedure with no issues. And pray for calmness, especially for Veronica. Stress and worry can affect the potential pregnancy. On that note please also pray for..........
The Future- Regardless of what happens from this procedure; things will be drastically different for us. Hopefully we will be expecting a baby and we will still need all kinds of prayer and direction from God if that is the case. If it does not work out for any reason, we will be facing more important decisions. Either way, pray for us to continue keeping the faith and to seek God's direction. One more.........
Finances- God has blessed us both with great careers and has blessed me with a wife who is financially savvy (because I am the opposite). We researched the area practices that do IVF including Louisville, Cincinnati, Lexington, and Evansville and found that the highest rate of success for couples with factors similar to ours was in Lexington. We actually know the doctor that runs this clinic so God also blessed by placing the best option with someone we know and are comfortable with, and is also giving us a discount. We can find the resources to pay for this procedure (this is not my way of asking my friends for money). But it is going to require some changes for us. Regardless of how the procedure works out, things are going to be incredibly tight afterwards. Please pray for God to give us wisdom with our finances now and in the future.
I am thankful for an outlet that I can share these thoughts, requests, and emotions on. Sometimes I have to ignore this blog because I just need to forget about infertility for awhile. But I love coming back to it when I start to get nervous or afraid. Thank you for taking the time to read this, for your encouraging words, and most importantly, for your prayers.
We've written before about our life verse; this is a verse I have been clinging to lately:
Genesis 25:21- "Isaac prayed to the Lord on behalf of his Wife, because she was childless. The Lord answered his prayer, and his Wife Rebekah became pregnant."
What we have to look forward to now are expensive medications, blood tests, painful ultrasounds, restrictive diets, and then a three day procedure that only has a 48% chance of being successful. What we need right now more than anything is prayer and encouragement. We have always kept this situation somewhat private, but we'll take all of the prayer we can get now. There are specific things we need people to pray for:
God's Will- We did not take this decision lightly. It has been several months since our last attempt at any sort of infertility treatment, and that is because we have spent the past few months talking, praying, and listening. I know we are making the right decision because of the change of mindset I experienced in this process. Going into it I thought there was no way that I wanted to undergo this procedure. God slowly changed my thinking and provided me with a reassuring calmness about this. I feel very confident it is going to work. On that note, the second thing you can pray for is......
Success- I don't know why it would be God's will for us to do this if it was not going to be successful, but all the faith and prayer and the world will not make those two weeks between the operation and the test any easier. We will be praying for a positive constantly, the stakes will be higher than they have ever been. Some of the worst days of my life have been hugging Veronica and trying anything to stop the tears when we get a negative pregnancy test. I don't want to even think about it this time around, yet I can't help it. I have to recite Matthew 6:34 at least 10 times a day in my head. We have faith that this is what God wants for us, please just pray for a smooth procedure with no issues. And pray for calmness, especially for Veronica. Stress and worry can affect the potential pregnancy. On that note please also pray for..........
The Future- Regardless of what happens from this procedure; things will be drastically different for us. Hopefully we will be expecting a baby and we will still need all kinds of prayer and direction from God if that is the case. If it does not work out for any reason, we will be facing more important decisions. Either way, pray for us to continue keeping the faith and to seek God's direction. One more.........
Finances- God has blessed us both with great careers and has blessed me with a wife who is financially savvy (because I am the opposite). We researched the area practices that do IVF including Louisville, Cincinnati, Lexington, and Evansville and found that the highest rate of success for couples with factors similar to ours was in Lexington. We actually know the doctor that runs this clinic so God also blessed by placing the best option with someone we know and are comfortable with, and is also giving us a discount. We can find the resources to pay for this procedure (this is not my way of asking my friends for money). But it is going to require some changes for us. Regardless of how the procedure works out, things are going to be incredibly tight afterwards. Please pray for God to give us wisdom with our finances now and in the future.
I am thankful for an outlet that I can share these thoughts, requests, and emotions on. Sometimes I have to ignore this blog because I just need to forget about infertility for awhile. But I love coming back to it when I start to get nervous or afraid. Thank you for taking the time to read this, for your encouraging words, and most importantly, for your prayers.
We've written before about our life verse; this is a verse I have been clinging to lately:
Genesis 25:21- "Isaac prayed to the Lord on behalf of his Wife, because she was childless. The Lord answered his prayer, and his Wife Rebekah became pregnant."
Friday, September 13, 2013
Post Vacation Blues
Well, we're back from vacation. It was a great time, but very exhausting, so blogging took more energy than either of us wanted.
We left on the 24th and visited Gramma and Grampa Idle for a couple nights in northern Ohio. We always have a blast with them and it was a great way to kick off our vacation. From there, we made a short drive to Detroit. We met up with Aunt Joni and her friend for a Tigers game. Also, wonderful to spend time with her. After the game, we attempted to see some of the city, but a bit of a preview was enough. We both agreed it wasn't our favorite city by far. The next day we drove a few more hours to Toronto. There we saw the Yankees play the Blue Jays and we both got a hi and wave from Mariano Rivera. We were both giddy! We took a ride to the top of the CN Tower, went through the NHL Hockey Hall of Fame, Kensington Market, Chinatown, and some fun shopping and dining. Next we went to Niagara Falls. It was much more laid back and we had a great time together. Toward the end of the trip we did lots of driving. We stopped in Buffalo, NY for buffalo wings, of course. Then to Pittsburgh for a Pirates vs. Cardinals game. Then on to eastern Kentucky for a Johnson family reunion. A night at my parents' house and then back home.
We both love exploring and making new experiences together. I love just having all that time just with my husband without all the day-to-day distractions.It was my hope that we would be able to take the time away and make a decision about our next step of fertility options. That really didn't happen, but what did happen was that we were away from some of the reminders about our issues. We didn't go to the doctor, we didn't have to answer questions about it, and we didn't feel different. We just enjoyed each other.
There was a moment on our trip when we were got onto the elevator back to our hotel room and a couple with a baby got on with us. I didn't even look at the baby, but I could tell they were trying to show it off and I just ignored them and stared into my husband's eyes. At that moment, I felt so lucky to have him and so much love for him that a negative thought or a sad feeling had no way of ruining that moment for me.
The past week has been a bit tough emotionally I have to admit. I wish I didn't have certain feelings and awkwardnesses (is that a word?) in every day life. I just hate when people just talk about things related to kids or being parents and don't realize how it would sound to someone like me. I wish I could brush them off and it not offend me, but it does.
We do have some amazingly supportive people in our lives...but also some not so supportive people as well. I do feel sorry for both groups. The first group I know it must be hard to know what to say and how to say it. To be honest, you really can't win. If you ask me about our infertility, chances are I could start crying or get bummed. But then if you don't ask me about it, I wonder if you just don't care. It really is something that's always on my mind. I don't think an hour of the day goes by that I'm not thinking about it. So the safer bet is to ask us about it, and be ready to grab a tissue or say something funny to change the topic.
As for the second group, I feel sorry for you because you can always learn from people in different experiences. I'm sure you'd want support if you were facing something difficult. And you really don't realize all the people out that going through this. It's definitely something that most people don't feel comfortable sharing. I learned today of a couple more people around me that had been dealing with infertility for years and I never knew it.
God's given us something tough to deal with, but together with his help we're going to get through it and we're going to have a great testimony to share.
Here's a proverb that is inspiring me today and giving me hope for our next journey...
Let your eyes look straight ahead;
fix your gaze directly before you.
Give careful thought to the paths for your feet
and be steadfast in all your ways.
Proverbs 4:25-26
We left on the 24th and visited Gramma and Grampa Idle for a couple nights in northern Ohio. We always have a blast with them and it was a great way to kick off our vacation. From there, we made a short drive to Detroit. We met up with Aunt Joni and her friend for a Tigers game. Also, wonderful to spend time with her. After the game, we attempted to see some of the city, but a bit of a preview was enough. We both agreed it wasn't our favorite city by far. The next day we drove a few more hours to Toronto. There we saw the Yankees play the Blue Jays and we both got a hi and wave from Mariano Rivera. We were both giddy! We took a ride to the top of the CN Tower, went through the NHL Hockey Hall of Fame, Kensington Market, Chinatown, and some fun shopping and dining. Next we went to Niagara Falls. It was much more laid back and we had a great time together. Toward the end of the trip we did lots of driving. We stopped in Buffalo, NY for buffalo wings, of course. Then to Pittsburgh for a Pirates vs. Cardinals game. Then on to eastern Kentucky for a Johnson family reunion. A night at my parents' house and then back home.
We both love exploring and making new experiences together. I love just having all that time just with my husband without all the day-to-day distractions.It was my hope that we would be able to take the time away and make a decision about our next step of fertility options. That really didn't happen, but what did happen was that we were away from some of the reminders about our issues. We didn't go to the doctor, we didn't have to answer questions about it, and we didn't feel different. We just enjoyed each other.
There was a moment on our trip when we were got onto the elevator back to our hotel room and a couple with a baby got on with us. I didn't even look at the baby, but I could tell they were trying to show it off and I just ignored them and stared into my husband's eyes. At that moment, I felt so lucky to have him and so much love for him that a negative thought or a sad feeling had no way of ruining that moment for me.
The past week has been a bit tough emotionally I have to admit. I wish I didn't have certain feelings and awkwardnesses (is that a word?) in every day life. I just hate when people just talk about things related to kids or being parents and don't realize how it would sound to someone like me. I wish I could brush them off and it not offend me, but it does.
We do have some amazingly supportive people in our lives...but also some not so supportive people as well. I do feel sorry for both groups. The first group I know it must be hard to know what to say and how to say it. To be honest, you really can't win. If you ask me about our infertility, chances are I could start crying or get bummed. But then if you don't ask me about it, I wonder if you just don't care. It really is something that's always on my mind. I don't think an hour of the day goes by that I'm not thinking about it. So the safer bet is to ask us about it, and be ready to grab a tissue or say something funny to change the topic.
As for the second group, I feel sorry for you because you can always learn from people in different experiences. I'm sure you'd want support if you were facing something difficult. And you really don't realize all the people out that going through this. It's definitely something that most people don't feel comfortable sharing. I learned today of a couple more people around me that had been dealing with infertility for years and I never knew it.
God's given us something tough to deal with, but together with his help we're going to get through it and we're going to have a great testimony to share.
Here's a proverb that is inspiring me today and giving me hope for our next journey...
Let your eyes look straight ahead;
fix your gaze directly before you.
Give careful thought to the paths for your feet
and be steadfast in all your ways.
Proverbs 4:25-26
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