Prayers for My Daughter

As the days get closer to our due date, I get more and more excited about meeting this little baby girl. It becomes more real, and the fear that it was all a dream is starting to fade.

I pray for our little Peanut every day and I have so many hopes and dreams for her already. Throughout our infertility, I leaned on Hannah from 1 Samuel so much. She was my strength and inspiration. I also prayed like Hannah did throughout our struggles. I prayed for God to give me a baby that I would vow to give back to the Lord. I still want to keep that promise. This baby girl will be ours to look after, encourage, and teach her about God's magnificent grace. However, I want her life and legacy to be to honor God. 

I know I will be obsessed with this little miracle, but I know that she is only mine on Earth and she has to live her life for God. I want so many great things for her. I want her to make tons of friends, go off to a great college, have an amazing career, and achieve everything she wants in life. I don't want her to be afraid to try anything or to spread her wings wherever she is called to go. 

Honestly, I don't want her to stay in Louisville. There is so much the world has to offer and I want her to really experience it, unlike I was able to do. I so wish now I had lived in NYC after college or lived abroad. I don't expect her to stay close to us because she needs to go where God intends her to go.

I also pray that she meets and marries a man who's as wonderful as her dad, but not until her 30's! Career first, boys can come later!! When I found out we were having a girl, I instantly worried that she would inherit PCOS from me. I pray so hard that she doesn't struggle with infertility or anything health related. 

I don't expect her life to be easy and perfect. I want her to have struggles and learn what hard work is all about. I want to give her everything her heart desires, but I know that's not what's best for her. I want her to learn independence and success. I want to teach her that she can do anything as long as she works hard and commits to it, but more than anything that she relies on God for guidance.

There is so much I want for her (including her becoming a big sister some day), that this blog post could go on forever. More than anything, I want her to know that we'll always be proud of her and we'll commit to teaching her all the amazing things her Heavenly Father has already done for her.


In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the Lord, weeping bitterly. And she made a vow, saying, “Lord Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.”

1 Samuel 1: 10-11

How Much Longer?

We are currently in week 29 of our pregnancy. Although everything has gone great, I'm constantly worried when she doesn't move enough in a day and I worry if I'm getting all the right vitamins and nutrition for her. On top of it, I don't love all the crazy things happening to my body and how I'm learning new limitations now. 

What I do love about being pregnant though is all the love I've gotten from friends and family (and even strangers). It seems so many love a preggo. Our journey to get to this wasn't easy and it seems so long ago when we did our IVF. We are in a different journey now and I couldn't feel more blessed. I just feel like time is dragging by...every morning that I wake up, I think what day it is and how much longer until the due date. It still seems far away.

Now that we are in the third trimester and the weeks are going by, it still seems so far away and not even in my reality yet. I just can't wait to have this baby in my arms for the first time and see the glow on my husband's face. I can't imagine a moment more precious than that.

I've now had 2 baby showers and they are so much fun. I love all this baby stuff. There was a time that I couldn't walk by the baby section in Target without tears of pain in my heart, but now I can't go in without checking to see if there's something new or fabulous that our daughter has to have.

My first shower in April was given by my infertility support group. It meant so much to me that these ladies were supporting me. I didn't expect them to even attend my shower much less host one for me. It was soooo much fun. The cute stuff for our Little Peanut and all the fun food and conversation got me so excited.

My second shower was last weekend hosted by my closest long-term friends. It was hosted by my UK girls and 2 great friends that were also bridesmaids. Most of them were from out of town and we made a weekend out of it. I love getting to spend time with all of them and I felt so incredibly loved. The shower was so amazing. I've been to a lot of baby showers, but this one had to be one of the nicest I've seen. They went over the top to make sure it was special and I can't thank them enough. I'm certainly blessed to have these 5 ladies in my life. Well, actually to have all the ladies that were at the shower in my life. I wouldn't be pregnant and this blessed without their prayers.

Blessed

I know we've been terrible about keeping up with our blog. Although our infertility journey is on pause, there's still a lot going on in our lives. We are beyond excited about becoming parents and how it will change our lives. I know infertility is still part of our reality and we hope to have a sibling in a couple years for our little Peanut, so I'm already praying that God will bless us with another pregnancy after this. It definitely seems crazy to think that far in the future, but growing our family won't be over after August.

I am definitely not one of those women that love pregnancy. It has not been fun and even quite stressful. I don't love how my body is so different. I've gone to the gym some, but my workouts are much different and I get disappointed that I'm not in the best shape anymore. As my belly keeps growing, I get excited for the arrival of our baby, but I miss the ease of bending over. Regardless, I love the gift of life that God has give me responsibility of and I will never seriously complain about pregnancy. I wanted this so much and I still know so many that would dream of what I'm going through.

I think the years of infertility have probably taken away some of the fun of what pregnancy is usually about for women. I worry a lot that something will happen. Everything so far has been great. I'm taking lots of vitamins and avoiding all of the 'don'ts' on the pregnancy food list. But it's hard to accept that things are going well. I pray for her every day that she is ok and is healthy. All of our ultrasounds and blood work show that she couldn't be more perfect.

Also, I'm still in contact with my other infertile friends and I just wish I could share this journey with them. I just found our last night that one of them had an unsuccessful attempt with a very rough IVF cycle. It just broke my heart and I prayed so hard that they would be getting a positive test.

Much of my prayers had been to make my parents experience being grandparents. With my dad's disease, I don't think he quite understands yet what is about to happen, but my mom is so thrilled. Just like my wedding, I sometimes think she is just as excited if not more. No doubt she will make an amazing grandmother and I'm so glad to give her something positive in her life.

Without a doubt, I know what a miracle this Peanut is for us. God has really blessed us. I can't express how amazing the attention and love that has been given to us feels!

Waiting.......

Obviously our last post shared our good news, but I wanted to go back and share what we went through to get our good news. Our egg retrieval was on Thursday, November 14 and we would get to find out the results 2 weeks from then. That happened to fall on Thanksgiving day, so we were told to test the day prior. The staff knew the agony of waiting through a long holiday weekend. It was very stressful not knowing as always. The emotions of wondering what's going on and with trusting God. I felt more hopeful, but I had to relax and put complete trust in Him.

I'll never forget that Wednesday. I was a complete ball of nerves. We could do blood work at any lab or hospital in Louisville and they would fax the results to our doctor's office in Lexington. I went to the place I've gone most often at about 11:00 during my lunch break. I later wish it was sooner, because every minute that ticked by was stressful.

It was likely that I would be getting out of work early and I wanted to be at home with Mike when we got our results. Whether it was good or bad, I wanted him by my side. Since getting those results. Life was a whirlwind. Just a couple hours later we went to Mike's parents' house. We told them the news and then his siblings a few hours after that. On Thanksgiving day we traveled to my parents and told them and my sister. We text a couple friends and I called my best friend Naomi that weekend. Although we were getting the word out it just didn't feel real. My mind hadn't really caught up with what was going on in my body. It took some time to accept the good news and have a complete different outlook on our future. I know it sounds crazy, but we just weren't use to good news and our routine was just to have a big cry and figure out the next step. Well, God figured out the next step for us and He is blessing us with a child.

In the next few weeks, we told our small group at church and close friends and family. We wanted to have the opportunity to tell as many people in person as possible. Plus so many knew that we were going through IVF and would be wondering how it went. Every time we shared, it was just as emotional for me as the first time hearing the news. I felt so blessed in seeing people's reaction and knowing they felt as happy as we did.

I do have to admit that I was trying to keep myself a bit guarded. Well, honestly, a lot guarded. I know that miscarriage is likely and my age doesn't help that. I was committed to taking care of my body so much more carefully. I had already gone caffeine free the past 2 years, but I cut out anything that was slightly dangerous to pregnant women. If something happened, it wouldn't be my fault. I really didn't want to get too excited, because if something happened, it would be devastating. I guess I thought if I kept my emotions in check it would make it easier to deal with if something did happen.

Breaking News

Transfer Time

I wanted to write an update about our Christmas and how thankful we are by the birth of Jesus. I know that this blog is focused on us having a baby, but our lives would be nothing without the birth of Jesus over 2000 years ago.

Here's an update after our egg retrival....

Over the weekend we had lost a couple of the embryos, which is normal. She also had a grading system for them and they were looking good. On Monday, she called to say that the craziest thing had happened. One of the embryos was in the shape of a heart. She said she's only seen it a couple times and sent me a picture. It instantly brought tears to my eyes. It was like God has already filled these embryos with love.

The next day we were scheduled to go in at 9:15. This time I was allowed to eat, but I had to arrive with a full bladder. I had started taking progesterone 3 times a day over the weekend and on Monday night, I was feeling major dizziness from it. My body wasn't use to that dosage and I woke up Tuesday morning with a very swimmy head still. I hadn't been nervous until that morning and the feeling just freaked me out.

As we drove to Lexington, I would hear my phone go off with text messages from well wishers, but I didn't want to even bend over to check them. I kept counting down the minutes until we were back home and this process was over with. I hated the extreme nervousness I was experiencing the past couple weeks.

They get us into a room to get me prepped. We have to wait a few minutes and I'm just so nervous. I want to get this over with. Our doctor comes in the room to talk with us. He's so great explaining everything and being super professional.

We had been debating between 2 or 3 embryos to transfer. And up to that point, we really hadn't made a decision. With 2, our chances of twins was 15%. We honestly were ok with twins and were hoping to increase those chances. With 3, a chance of twins went up to about 40% with triplets being 10%. We wanted to defer to the doctor and as much as we were ok with twins, we were very against triplets. There are too many risks going in that direction.

The doctor told us that our embryos were even more advanced than where they should be. The embryologist had picked the best 2 embryos for us. They both recommended just those two. The doctor said that with the way these looked we were looking at about a 70% chance of success. I took a quick look at Mike and we were both thrilled with that number. He said because we were family he would even say it could even be a 90% chance...something he wouldn't say to another patient. This was great news! However, that 10% was huge. We are very use to bad news, so 10% meant a lot.

We went into the operating room and it took no more than 10 minutes to complete the process. I had my husband at my side holding my hand.

The drive home was very exciting. We felt good about everything and we were told we could find out the results in 8 days. Normally it would have been 9, but it fell on Thanksgiving and they were going to let us test a day early. We would get to stay in Louisville and just go to a local hospital to do a blood test. It seemed so quick. We were definitely use to the waiting, but it would give us time to pray and trust in God.

Post Surgery

I'm trying hard to keep posts coming...too many distractions to sit down and type out everything. Here's the next installment...

I woke up I believe to the nurse saying something to me. I realize that Mike's in the room, but then I fall back asleep. I wake up and talk to him a bit, but then back to sleep, and then awake and asleep. He tells me this goes on for over an hour. My doctor comes in to give us an update and we find out that they were able to get 14 eggs!! The nurse gives us directions for drugs to take. I wasn't feeling great, but it was mainly just feeling completely out of it. I finally am feeling up to getting dressed and Mike helps me do that. I need a break between each step. After a few minutes, I'm able to get up and we leave and head home.

I actually don't feel bad at all. We get home and I plant myself on the couch for the rest of the day. I only took one small nap, but just felt super tired. I didn't even need to take any more of the pain killers. Mike definitely took great care of me by making me dinner and hanging out with me.

We are also so thankful for all the messages, the flowers, the dinners, and the prayers from our loved ones.

By the next day I was feeling completely normal, but a bit bloated still. We would be getting daily calls from our embryologist. Our call that morning, she told us of the 14 eggs, there were 3 that just weren't very good. And off the remaining 11, they were able to fertilize all of them! This was great news! We would know the next day when we would need to come in for the transfer.

The next day we got the call that all embryos were still doing good and that we would do the transfer the following Tuesday. We were excited to have the weekend to relax (plus we had scored suite tickets to the Cincinnati Bengals game the next day).

I was definitely getting tired of all the drugs. We started another one that day. Some were once a day, some were twice, and one was 3 times a day. Plus some couldn't be taken with food and some did. It was all so confusing, but I think I got it all right.

I didn't know what our future held, but I was so thankful that all of this was possible. I know some religions have objections to IVF, but I was so thankful that it was going so smoothly, that we found a way to finance it, and that the success rates were higher than anything we've done before.

I then had the dilemma of being hopeful. I wanted to think that this would all work and we'd have a baby in 9 months, but yet, we're so use to getting bad news. And I know several women that have failed with IVF, so why should it work this one time for us?

I just kept praying and thanking God. I knew He had something big planned for us.