Last week was extremely rough for us, but we made it through it and are happy with our new home. We closed on a house on Monday and straight from the closing, we started working. Cleaning, painting, repairing, Home Depot runs, more painting, packing, moving, and now unpacking. Our wallets are empty and our bodies are exhausted. However, we love our new house and are excited for great experiences in making it our home.
We haven't posted in awhile on our infertility and that has been a big toll on us. I think we're just discouraged and haven't felt like sharing. Even with all the house stuff, we can't forget about our desire for a baby. As previously posted, I was on some hard core drugs to get me to ovulate. Well, it worked fantastically. We got 3 big follicles, so we were finally ready to do IUI (intrauterine insemination)! We've been working on this since April and it was finally going to happen! We were a bit caught of guard on how quickly I ovulated, so we had to go into the doctor at 6:45 one morning (with Mike's fresh contribution in a sterile cup). We went out to breakfast while the doctor cleaned and prepared the good sperm and then went back for the procedure. We were in and out in less than 30 minutes. It was a bit painful for me, but by the afternoon, I felt fine. I was mainly excited to be off the bad drugs!
So then the big wait began. We should know in about 10-14 days if it was successful. We waited until the 13th day to test. For the past year, I hate doing those and seeing "not pregnant". I feel like the stupid thing is mocking me. Well, it mocked me again and the next morning my period began. We were both devastated. We now have to start making payments on a procedure that didn't work. It really stinks and I hate this!! We're both really struggling to understand what all this means. And also we have to decide what we do next. I dread doing the drugs again and I dread the bill that comes and I dread the disappointment! This was the 12th attempt we've had at getting pregnant and each cycle ends in sadness.
We do know that we're very fortunate. We now have a great house and it will be a perfect home to raise a family. We really got to see how loved we are by some amazing people. It's never fun to help someone paint or move in 90 degree heat or come pick us up after we get locked out or do home repairs or help us unpack. But we had some great people there for us. My parents spent a few days in town helping and our church friends were there for us. After we got all moved in and there were boxes and sweaty people everywhere, we had greasy pizza and hung out. The Old Veronica would have kicked them out after about 30 minutes and started insanely unpacking everything, but I was mentally and physically exhausted and I just loved having our friends around. Everyone was laughing and having a great time. I took a moment just to look around and cherish that time. It made me realize why we wanted a house...to entertain and have friends over. I can't wait to start cooking in my new kitchen and hosting fun parties.
I hope God hears our prayers and continues to bless us. We pray that we will some day get to fill that empty room down the hall...
Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. - Hebrews 11:1
Monday, August 27, 2012
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Making Grandparents
This is one post I've wanted to write, but have been dreading doing. One big reason that I want a baby so badly and quickly is so that I can make my dad a grandfather. Even as I type this I am holding back the tears that I know will come streaming down my face soon. I love my dad soooo much and I cherish every moment I have with him. Since he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease 8 years ago, it has been a huge life changer. First, my love for my parents has grown so much. I would do anything for them and every moment I spend with them seems so much more special to me. I've learned to not take them for granted. Secondly, my responsibilities have really increased. My mom relies on me for making the big decisions and if there are any struggles or problems, then I will be the one to take care of it. My mom still does so much and I rely on her for so much as well, but I know she needs a support system and dealing with this is way too much for one person to bear. And the third reason is that I feel like it has speed up my life. It has made me grow up quicker. All of a sudden I felt like I needed to be on the quick path to start a family. I wanted to get married and have kids just to make my dad a grandfather and allow my kids to see what an amazing and loving person he is.
I know that was not what he asked or expected of me, but I wanted that so badly. It caused me to stay in bad relationships because I didn't want to start over and find another guy or it caused me to scare guys away because I was in such a rush. When I finally relaxed and realized that my dad would just want me to be happy, I left my future in God's hands. And in 2010, He put the amazing Mike Idle in my life. God really answered my prayers above and beyond what I could have imagined. Even though my dad can't exactly express it, I know he loves and adores Mike. If I show up for a visit alone, my dad will stand by the door waiting for Mike. He got so excited when Mike would take him for rides in his corvette before we had to sell it.
My mom worried that Alzheimer's would scare a guy away from marrying me, but we had no idea what a great husband God had in store for me. He is wonderful with my dad and has done way more than what's expected of most sons-in-law. You have no idea what that means to me and one of the best things he does is hold me when I'm bawling at how this disease is changing our lives.
So as we continue on this fertility struggle, many times I want to give up and just have a big pity party, but I just think about how awesome it will be to see my baby in my dad's arms. He loves little ones and I just hope he understand that it's his grandchild. I also want to give my mom a grandchild to give her something happy to focus on besides the every day tradegy that she deals with. If we have a girl, we plan to give her his mom's name. He was such a momma's boy and he was crushed when she was taken away by Pancreatic Cancer before he met my mom. I wish I could have known her as a grandmother and I can't wait to met her in Heaven some day.
Also, I want to mention Mike's parents too. They are wonderful grandparents to our nephews and I want them to have that relationship with our kids too. They have been a great emotional support to us through our infertility and I don't know what we would do without them. His dad gave a powerful sermon on Mother's Day that I will never forget. He made me feel for the first time that this day could be about me too...(not just women with working uteruses).
We will continue to pray and work at having a baby. That is all I can do at making my dad a grandfather. For the past several years, I have become involved with the Alzheimer's Association. I want to do something about this disease and it's really the only way I could find. Here is a picture of my dad when he first saw me all ready for my wedding day.
I really appreciate all the prayers we're getting at becoming parents someday, but we would also like prayers for the future grandparents.
If anyone would like to make a donation to stopping this terrible disease, here is a link to my page:
http://act.alz.org/site/TR?px=6271123&pg=personal&fr_id=1718&et=bnYNOI-mTIejbjjJ2bThRw&s_tafId=11143
I know that was not what he asked or expected of me, but I wanted that so badly. It caused me to stay in bad relationships because I didn't want to start over and find another guy or it caused me to scare guys away because I was in such a rush. When I finally relaxed and realized that my dad would just want me to be happy, I left my future in God's hands. And in 2010, He put the amazing Mike Idle in my life. God really answered my prayers above and beyond what I could have imagined. Even though my dad can't exactly express it, I know he loves and adores Mike. If I show up for a visit alone, my dad will stand by the door waiting for Mike. He got so excited when Mike would take him for rides in his corvette before we had to sell it.
My mom worried that Alzheimer's would scare a guy away from marrying me, but we had no idea what a great husband God had in store for me. He is wonderful with my dad and has done way more than what's expected of most sons-in-law. You have no idea what that means to me and one of the best things he does is hold me when I'm bawling at how this disease is changing our lives.
So as we continue on this fertility struggle, many times I want to give up and just have a big pity party, but I just think about how awesome it will be to see my baby in my dad's arms. He loves little ones and I just hope he understand that it's his grandchild. I also want to give my mom a grandchild to give her something happy to focus on besides the every day tradegy that she deals with. If we have a girl, we plan to give her his mom's name. He was such a momma's boy and he was crushed when she was taken away by Pancreatic Cancer before he met my mom. I wish I could have known her as a grandmother and I can't wait to met her in Heaven some day.
Also, I want to mention Mike's parents too. They are wonderful grandparents to our nephews and I want them to have that relationship with our kids too. They have been a great emotional support to us through our infertility and I don't know what we would do without them. His dad gave a powerful sermon on Mother's Day that I will never forget. He made me feel for the first time that this day could be about me too...(not just women with working uteruses).
We will continue to pray and work at having a baby. That is all I can do at making my dad a grandfather. For the past several years, I have become involved with the Alzheimer's Association. I want to do something about this disease and it's really the only way I could find. Here is a picture of my dad when he first saw me all ready for my wedding day.
I really appreciate all the prayers we're getting at becoming parents someday, but we would also like prayers for the future grandparents.
If anyone would like to make a donation to stopping this terrible disease, here is a link to my page:
http://act.alz.org/site/TR?px=6271123&pg=personal&fr_id=1718&et=bnYNOI-mTIejbjjJ2bThRw&s_tafId=11143
Monday, August 6, 2012
Holy Infertility, Batman!!!
So I'm definitely starting to know what infertility women really go through. Wow, what a week my body has been through! I'm currently on a steroid and we paired it with Clomid. I also increased my dose of Metformin. Every morning and night I have to concentrate and make sure I'm taking the right meds. I'm experiencing lots of not-so-fun side effects. Basically every night almost like clock work around 3:15-3:30, I wake up with hot flashes. They usually would go away quickly, but it would take another hour or two to fall back asleep. I know I probably shouldn't share this, but this goes out to all those other infertile women who wonder what's going on with their bodies...I can't poop! It's so frustrating! I don't even feel like eating because I know it'll be with me for awhile. Once I'm off the meds, I'm hoping to drop about 5 extra pounds!
Speaking of extra pounds, I don't feel like working out even though exercise is proven to help fertility. It's a struggle just to get myself to the gym and I cannot do a normal workout. I'm also committing to limiting foods such as white rice/pasta, white bread, potatoes, and sugars. Not only are these foods bad for fertility, they also do not work well with PCOS.
Mike also said he noticed that my moods have been affected more this round. I did notice it over the weekend. I just feel very irritable and I want to snap at the smallest things and really have to hold myself back. I almost went off on a server yesterday that asked me if we wanted appetizers. The lack of sleep and digestive issues can't help.
I just hope this month is successful, because I'm already stressed about having to do this all again next month and on.
Besides feeling like blah, I did have a great weekend. I got to spend it with the most amazing friends anyone could ever ask for. Some friends came in town to celebrate the birthday of our good friend who recently lost her husband. It was so great to just be able to chat and laugh and be together. It sucked because someone was missing from the party, but I felt so thankful that this experience has brought us so much closer. I never want to take those friends for granted. And I know we'll all be ok no matter what we're going through because we have each other and our faith.
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance.
Romans 5:3
Speaking of extra pounds, I don't feel like working out even though exercise is proven to help fertility. It's a struggle just to get myself to the gym and I cannot do a normal workout. I'm also committing to limiting foods such as white rice/pasta, white bread, potatoes, and sugars. Not only are these foods bad for fertility, they also do not work well with PCOS.
Mike also said he noticed that my moods have been affected more this round. I did notice it over the weekend. I just feel very irritable and I want to snap at the smallest things and really have to hold myself back. I almost went off on a server yesterday that asked me if we wanted appetizers. The lack of sleep and digestive issues can't help.
I just hope this month is successful, because I'm already stressed about having to do this all again next month and on.
Besides feeling like blah, I did have a great weekend. I got to spend it with the most amazing friends anyone could ever ask for. Some friends came in town to celebrate the birthday of our good friend who recently lost her husband. It was so great to just be able to chat and laugh and be together. It sucked because someone was missing from the party, but I felt so thankful that this experience has brought us so much closer. I never want to take those friends for granted. And I know we'll all be ok no matter what we're going through because we have each other and our faith.
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance.
Romans 5:3
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