James 1:12

Sometimes it's hard to think of things to write about on here, especially when were in the holding period we are in right now. Our last doctor appointment was on Halloween, so about 6 weeks ago. That part has been nice, no waiting rooms and co-pays is definitely something I can deal with.  We've been taking our pills, trying to exercise and eat better, and most importantly doing a lot of praying.

Sometimes this blog serves as therapy for us, sometimes it serves as information for the readers, and lately I have found it as almost a form of my own devotional time. Some of my best conversations with God come from talking to him about our infertility. There is a real issue in our lives that we have absolutely no control over and that is a first; the only person we can rely on is God. While I wish there was another way he could grab our attention, I have no doubt he is using this experience to teach us.

This weekend we finally put our Christmas tree up in the front living room of our house. It is a smaller room and we don't use it very often. Normally it's where she goes to watch her reality shows while I am watching the Yankees or the Hoosiers. The other night we just sat in that room for a while and talked about a lot of different things.

As we usually do, we got on the subject of infertility and something came to my head that I told her. I told her that sometimes I think about the day we actually do have a baby, how amazing that day will be. The amount of happiness and relief will be indescribable. We have never wanted or worked for something so badly in our lives.

My point was our kid is going to be spoiled rotten. This journey is going to make being a parent so special, and maybe that is part of God's plan. I'm certainly not saying that any parents that don't go through infertility will not appreciate their kids as much, or that we wouldn't have had we not gone through this. I just know that we will feel so much more blessed when it happens because of all the work and prayer that went into it. I can't wait, I honestly cannot put into words how badly I want a baby for us. This desire is concrete in our hearts and has not wavered at all since the first day we started trying. We are fully confident that God would not put this desire in our hearts if he did not want us to be parents.

We are not doing Christmas gifts this year, the house was our gift to each other. But really, I don't really have a lot of wants anymore. Maybe that is because there is just one thing that I want so badly, nothing else will bring as much joy. We are waiting patiently for this to happen, and as I have said many times, it is hard sometimes and we have gotten upset and frustrated. But Veronica found a verse that may best sum up what I have tried to say through my rambling on here and what led to a great converstation with God.

James 1:12 "God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love me."

It brings me great joy to know that this experience will not only make being a parent so special, but we are also building our reward in Heaven. I really hope we have a baby this year coming up, if so, 2013 will be the best year ever and nothing will be able to top it.