Too Much

Yesterday, I was in a really low place. I wasn’t feeling well from my medicine, so I ended up leaving work early and just laying around the house. Mike took my car in for an oil change and to check out the weird noise it’s been making. He assumed it was the tires that soon need to be replaced. Well, yes, they do need to be replaced, but also the noise that needed to be fixed is the transmission. Ugh! The cost would likely be around $2500. That doesn't include new tires. That’s so frustrating especially since we have so much left to pay on the car. I’ve been strategic on working to pay as much as we can on the cars, but it seems like our finances are so stretched. The costs for our infertility are really adding up with all the tests, doctor visits, and medicines. Mike is finishing up his bachelor’s degree online and when he’s done at the end of next year, we’ll have a huge bill to start paying. Plus we have a spending problem we can’t seem to get under control. We're working on it, but it's so hard to not spend.

I think we were both a bit bummed and even last night Mike said that we keep getting bad news, so I think he was feeling my negative mood too. We really want a house and it doesn’t seem like we’re going to sell our condo anytime soon. We’ve considered renting it out and working on our savings for a down payment, but now we’re struggling to build that up.

My parents are also struggling with money and that stresses me out too. My mom could no longer handle having her daycare on top of caring for my dad, so in September she quit her job. My dad does receive retirement money, but it's not enough, so my mom has worked so diligently to get more help. She has had a little luck and her church has been so supportive, but it has been extremely tight. She should be fine once she receives money from a program that helps caregivers, but it looks like she might not get that until 2013 when she's had a full calendar year of no income. They think she makes too much, which is based on her 2011 tax income. We've jumped in to help a few times, but if anything big comes up I know she'll need our help.

We so want a baby and we haven’t gotten positive news on that and we just don’t know how much we’ll have to keep spending. Our health insurance doesn’t cover infertility and we are just now to the point of doing expensive procedures and more expensive meds. We’re praying that IUI works, but the thought of IVF and/or adoption is still looming out there. And those are really pricy. Estimated costs are $10,000 and $30,000 respectively. And that’s just the start of getting a baby…we’ll have to budget in daycare, diapers, clothing, and at some point the kid will want food.

I ended the day with the Season Finale of Giuliana and Bill. It’s currently my favorite reality show and a big source of my inspiration to staying positive through our infertility journey. They have gone through so much in trying to have a baby for 4 years and I’m so happy that they are finally getting their prayers answered. However, it makes me so scared that I may have to endure all the things they went through including failed IUIs, IVFs, a miscarriage, breast cancer, and a gestational carrier. Throughout all of that, they have stayed strong and are using their celebrity status to share their story with the world and encourage others.

Today is a new day and I'm hoping my personal pity party is over. Here is the verse that is speaking to me:

Come back to the place of safety, all you prisoners who still have hope! I promise this very day that I will repay two blessings for each of your troubles.

Zechariah 9:12