Not Alone

Very sorry we haven't posted. It's been really hard to put my thoughts into a post right now. I'm honestly been avoiding thinking about what's to come. I know we likely will have some big decisions to make soon and I just don't know what to do or think. I'm currently serving on jury duty. And of course, I get picked for a big trial. So the next couple weeks are going to be exhausting. I've got to digest all the information in the courtroom and try to take notes and remember every detail that I can and then I come home and catch up on the work I missed at the office. Tonight I went to the gym. I've been too slammed to go the past couple nights. I debated going, but a kickboxing class got me pumped up and I needed a good workout.

I've learned that what helps me get through this infertility life is knowing that I'm not alone. I'm also learning that it's hard for people to truly understand what we're going through. It makes you feel less of a person because you can't do what almost everyone else can do...procreate. I know that it takes couples multiple months before they might get pregnant and they experience that disappointment. But when doctors tell you that your chances of having your own biological child are low, it's a sadness and disappointment that I can't even discribe.

Monday on my lunch break away from the court house, I ate lunch next to a couple of ladies. I couldn't help overhear their conversation where one lady shared with her friend that she was pregnant. I can't escape the fact that people are getting to share that news everywhere. I wonder why I had to pick that table to sit at and why I had to hear that. I know that to some it isn't a big deal, but God knows that it always hurts me to know that I have little hope that I'll be sharing that news with a friend over lunch.

Now a new season of Guiliana and Bill has begun and I've been so excited to watch. They have really been my inspiration through their infertility. I'm so happy that they are getting the answer to their prayers and have become parents. However, my interest in their show has gone down a bit because now they are in the next step that I can't relate to. I'm now watching them plan for making room in a new house for a nursery and having a baby shower. I am happy for them and I just hope we have a light at the end of the tunnel like they do. I know an episode about the birth is coming up soon and I know it will be sad to watch a baby placed in their arms when my arms remain empty.

For our other infertility friends, here are some blogs and websites that I visit often that have helped me.

www.noneintheoven.com
www.pregnancywonders.com/blog
www.theinfertilityvoice.com
http://www.sixmillionminusone.blogspot.com/ - Friends of mine, who recently adopted from Ethopia
http://mommieslittlemiracle.blogspot.com/
...and my favorite www.999reasonstolaugh.com