Got Hope?

I have a daily calendar that has inspirational quotes. Today's was from Dale Carnegie: "Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all."

I read this over a few times and I understand it's meaning and I'm sure it's so true, but it's really hard from me to apply it and have hope. We have tried something for 18 times. 18 times! After doing something over and over again for 18 times, most would say to give up. It isn't going to happen. If Mike asked me out 18 times and I said no every time, I bet he would have given up and we wouldn't be together. If I applied for my job 18 times and got rejected every time, I wouldn't have applied again. I doubt I'd go more that 2 or 3 times and I wouldn't have found the job I love and am challenged almost daily.

What keeps us going and trying to get pregnant is that our desire for a baby is so strong. I don't want to give up, but the rejection is so hard. I'm wondering if this is God telling us something. Is he saying to try something else or telling us to wait? I am praying, but not listening enough. Mike didn't get home until late the other night and I spent a long time in prayer. I know I need to really stop to hear what God is telling me. I know I need Him to get through this.

Since our last failed IUI attempt, we are going at it again. Back to the drugs, shots, etc. I honestly am not excited about it this time. I don't have the energy to be rejected again, so I'm not going to get my hopes up. I know this is all turning us very cynical. There's a new EPT commercial that we've seen a couple times and Mike always talks back to the TV rude comments about the couple that get positive results. Even watching movies we make jokes about the couple that easily get pregnant. This situation has made us a couple bitter people.

I know we need to be strong and hold onto our faith, but it's hard. We're looking forward to a fun weekend. We're going to Red River Gorge with our small group at church. It's now our annual thing where we rent a cabin and have a fun time away together. Maybe getting away and having lots of fun is what we need right now.