Crushed Spirit

I really think my blog post last week was too negative and missing an important element. Our faith. Without a doubt, our faith has been challenged and I need to stay positive and know that my God is with me. I keep thinking about Job and all that he went through and his faith never waivered. I really need the strength of Job right now.

A couple weeks ago, we stayed in Mt. Sterling with my parents on a Friday night to get up the next day and drive on to Ashland, KY for my cousin's high school graduation party. Since Jeter had a 'sleep over' with his friend Bruno, we were puppy free and I was excited at getting to sleep in. Unfortunately that didn't happen. At 7:30, I woke up to hearing my dad screaming. I jumped up and ran to check on him. I saw his body going crazy and I screamed to Mike that he was having a seizure. I went to his side and he quickly stopped and I was able to calm him down. It really scared me.

I knew this was a side effect of late term Alzheimer's, but I'm tired of the new obstacle and I know it really upset my mom. He had another one a few days after that, so now we're going through testing about it. I'm not sure what the tests can tell us or what can be done to help. My main concern is that whatever we encounter we find the solution that makes things as easy as possible for my mom.

For some reason, this latest challenge has really made me wonder how much time is really left with my dad. I'm mentally prepared for it, but I just want so many more great moments together. I really feel the urgency even more to give him a grandchild. That thought made my tears flow so much last week and what continues to break my heart. I so want him to meet his grandchild. I want to see his face light up when he gets to hold our baby.

I don't know what plan God has for us. I am so anxious to know what it is. Instead of feeling an end to our infertility journey, I feel like we are walking backwards.

My mother-in-law passed on this verse and it really gives me comfort right now:

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Psalm 34:18