Conflicted

Life sure has been keeping us busy lately. We love our new house; perhaps we'll post some pictures here soon. The new house has been awesome. Veronica loves tackling projects in different rooms while I love being able to do yardwork. Sorry these projects have left us quite absent from the blog.

The news has not been getting any better. Now that they finally got Veronica all fixed up they found out there are still all sorts of problems with me - possibly worse than we thought. I'm on some new drugs, because that is the answer to every infertility problem, and I've been trying to stay active in an attempt to drop some weight. I dropped some back over the summer but hit a wall and gained most of it back. I need to get on it again and stick with it. They really aren't sure how much good that will do though. We are starting to discuss things such as adoption and IVF seriously for the first time, knowing we may have some decisions to make in a few months. I was really hoping we'd never have to think about those two things, it's been a rough few weeks for us.

There is a lot of good going for us right now. We got a new house, we welcomed a new niece to the world a few weeks back, two of our siblings are getting married shortly, Veronica gets to go to Cancun soon, and so on......

With that, it's fair to say say that my life is very conflicted right now. I'm having a hard time mixing the joy and sadness, and honestly I've let the sadness win out more often than not. It seems like every piece of good news comes with some bad news on the side. I'm struggling to figure out how to deal with each as I know that is just how life goes.

One day we're going to have kids, I am very confident of that and I accepted a long time ago that it is not going to be the normal route. But the future has been getting more and more blurry and that worries me. I wish there was some finality to all of this. I have tried to trust God and accept that he has a plan for us, but with each appointment it feels like we are getting further and further away from an answer, specificially the answer we want. Trying the IUI felt like one step forward but then hearing how bad my numbers were felt like 2 steps back.

I don't really know what to say to wrap all of this up, just felt like I needed to post something and get some of those feelings out there. I ask that you continue to pray for us, specifically that we remain strong throughout this. I hope everyone reading this and prays for us knows how much we appreciate your support and your prayers. I don't know where we would be without the support and encouragement.